Accuray, please don't assume I know anything. If I did, I suspect I wouldn't be here.
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In that case, how else can your H feel needed by you? How else can he feel loved and appreciated by you, for the things he contributes to the M?
And that would be the $64k question! I don't know. It seems everything I ask, he either declines outright or neglects until I deal with it myself. He has started filling my gas tank for me. It's not something I can't do myself, or something I can depend upon him to do regularly, but does that count?
I'm not a guy, I can't get in his (your) head. I completely get shaming being a bad thing, but women don't like being shamed either, so I probably don't need the intricacies behind it to know it's not a good thing to do. If he cooked better than me, I would LOVE it, even though it's "woman's work." I would relish the opportunity to learn something and enhance my skills. Men have this "ego" thing that I just don't get, such that if I can hang crown molding and H can't, rather than watch and learn, he sulks.
I don't yet have "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It," still waiting for it. I'm currently reading "How to have a new H by Friday." I will confess to having taken a few days off of reading, as I was on overload and nothing was going to "take" anyway. But I'm on spring break next week so I'll be back into it then. Maybe some other books will have arrived by then.
I do love hearing the guy perspective directly from a guy, though.