Well the 22nd approaches and the echoes are busily swimming up to the surface. I'm alright, but I feel it’s time to journal the little twerps out of my pool because their splashing all over the place.
Around this time last year, I had come to expect not to expect my H home from work before 9pm - 10pm or later.
I had become accustomed to him not answering his cell phone whenever I rang him, and if he did respond it was by calling me back 10 minutes later from some solitary location - usually outside.
I had come to learn the 'new math' - what ever time he said he'd be home, add at least one hour more.
I'd learned to dine alone whether he was away or home.
I was spending the precious little time he allowed me, trying to connect with someone who no longer looked me in the eyes for more than a fraction of a second and who always looked down in remorse when entering the house.
He was vague or silent about his days and evenings, and suddenly started having to work weekends.
He was acquiring all kinds of things without even so much as word to me about it any of it and when I’d ask him about all the “stuff” I was finding at our house over on Parkside, he’d never give me an answer of substance.
He was spending inordinate amounts of time at the Parkside house, (which he made clear I was not welcomed there) or running about at odd hours.
He perpetually drank in my presence, usually stooped nervously over a goblet of wine, which often replaced his dinner being that it was late and he’d already eaten.
It seemed as though he was increasingly anxious and on the verge of saying ‘something’.
I recall suddenly crying out to my mother one day as she was being difficult, (due to her illness she’d become psychotic by this time) that "my marriage might be coming to an end". I quickly ran from her and hid in my bedroom with my own words gathered around me. I could no longer fool myself into thinking that this was just some mood that my H would pass through and we’d go on as before.
The floodgates of hell were opening quickly now and I sensed a large dark wing gliding overhead. I felt the breath of the beast.
