Adinva, I am taking your advice and writing what I hope will be an even-tempered/toned and sincere email to H about our D4. Thank you for the levelheaded perspective.

Is this an 180 for myself?

M: 39, H: 38
D: 4
Together: 19 Y
Married: 9 Y
Bomb #1: 11/04/11 (5 days b/f anniversary)
Bomb #2 and H left: 01/03/12 (day b/f my bday)
OW: confirmed, they live together already