Keeping the Kids Out of It

[PrincessP]

I saw my therapist on Monday night. She suggested a succinct email to my H addressing the most critical (at this time) parenting issues was the best way to go. She was agreement about the inappropriateness of H asking D4 to keep secrets about who was joining them for their quality time; she also advised me to bring up setting a set schedule for his visits, and him sharing more information about D4’s whereabouts when she would be with him. Both of us agreed that this will be an all-out war and I should send the message when I am ready for his wrath.

The one area we do not see eye-to-eye H’s exposing our D4 to other women, so quickly. We have not even had “the talk” with D4. Why my therapist thinks it is okay is not clear to me, even though I have asked her outright. Her perspective is that D4 needs her father and should learn to deal with him despite his shortcomings. Moreover, she feels this particular woman is going to be around for a while because a.) she has her claws in and won’t easily let go; b.) and he is enjoying the freedom he didn’t have before during the other PA/EA.

Honestly, if you presented this scenario to my H two years ago he would have thought the husband/father was off the deep end. I think the first affair changed his moral compass and was the beginning of his mental and emotional demise. I feel divided because I still love H and wish I could save our family but a large part of me fears that this is beyond salvaging. I only ever wanted a good and happy family (not perfect.)