Denial....its not just a river in Egypt...

[mishka422]

ITM, your H is putting the blame on you because he doesn't want to face what he has done and continues to do. He doesn't face critical situations because that would cause blow back on him. It's the classic run away and hide reactions of an alcoholic. Like you've said before, he's a dry drunk. He doesn't face situations head on, he buries his head in the sand and pretends they don't exist.

Sad for your son.

I do have to say though, one statement he made is very telling.

he said hes sick of me trying to make him handle things the way I think they should be handled?????

He has a point. It's not up to you to 'manage' their R. Yes, your S is hurting and yes he needs his dad but if his dad won't step up and be a man then all you can do is console him and be there for him. I understand you feel you need to involve stbxh in these situations but that is 'managing' to him apparently.

Next time there is an issue, as long as your son isn't bleeding or comatose, DON'T CALL HIM. It's only making you angrier and pushing stbxh into futher defensive mode.

Let him find out the hard way what his own actions are doing to his barely existent R with his son. It WILL come back to bite him in the a$$. As long as you are taking care of your son emotionally then just let stbxh spin in the wind.