deployment to divorce 1

[mimivac]

(((31))). Lonliness can be so hard to deal with, especially at your most vulnerable. Sometimes there is no stopping it, you're just going to feel lonely. But it's a feeling and it will pass, little by little. Your lonliness now is a gateway to a better, richer life in the future if it prompts you to GAL and become a better you. Ironcially, it can be easier to GAL when you are stronger and more detached, but you need it the most when you are vulnerable. So, GAL like your life depends on it. You say that your life before was oriented around hearing from you H. Now you have to re-orient your life. Find a different focus, even if it feels fake for now. Act "as if." I now re-focus my days around my list of life goals which include healthy cooking, home decorating, movies, and weekends exercising and socializing. I have to do this so that every phone call and text doesn't send me into a tailspin. I'm getting there.

My gut tells me that this OW is pretty much using him for his money!! I really hope that gets old for him after a while!! Also thinking she's been pushing him with the D. Oh well, can't wait until they find out that it's gonna be at least 01/13. Hoping she gets annoyed after a while and backs off!!

Why spend your precious time and energy focusing on her and what she may or may not be thinking or feeling? Who cares? She's not worth your effort and pain. She may get annoyed and back off, or she may not. Just as you cannot have expectations of your H, you certainly can't have expectations of the OW. She may have pushed him for a D, or it could have been all your H's idea. The hardest thing for me has been to stop my mind swirling with all kinds of fantasy scenarios of what H was doing/thinking/feeling, etc. It is exhausting, and I haven't quite managed to get it under control yet. But whenever I catch myself thinking, "I wonder what that sigh in the conversation meant, etc." I mentally say to myself, "who cares?" I am working on myself and H knows that if he wants to return to the relationship he can say so and we will start from there. Trying to keep the road home paved as 25 says by GALing and being the best person I can.

I am back to planning to tell H I know about OW, but I think I have come up with a better way. I still feel like I need to let him know to get it off my chest. At this point I no longer expect anything, not even for him to stop seeing her.

I'm thinking of casually saying something like this: (next time we are face to face, still feel this is better)

"I think there might be something you need to tell me"

I'm sure his heart will race and he will think Oh sh!t, but he will say something like "what do you mean".

Then I will cock my head to the side and say "you know what I mean"

he'll probably say "no I don't"

then one last thing I will say "I'm giving you a chance to come clean right now, but if you don't know what I'm talking about then ok"

Hoping in this type of conversation I will be able to question him or hint around that I know without it appearing that I am really accusing him of anything. If he doesn't come clean and tell me then there is nothing I can do. I think he suspects that I know, but since I haven't said anything then he can't be sure.

Should I tell him in a conversation like that or just start asking questions and start hinting around. For example: H paid his cell phone bill this month and it is almost the same amount it was when our phones were on the same account. I'm pretty sure OW is on the account now.

I was thinking of saying something like "why is your cell phone bill so much, it almost looks like your still paying for both of our phones or something". So, I can hint around that I know that bill is for two lines without flat out accusing or questioning.

31, I would not employ these tactics. Just my opinion and others may disagree, but why beat around the bush or hint? You know what you know and either you tell your H directly or keep it to yourself. Being direct doesn't need to mean you have a nasty confrontation. First, I would ask you, how would letting him know that you are aware of the OW help you achieve your goal? I don't know what I would do in this situation myself, and I feel for you. Best of luck and keep posting.

Mimi