Keeping the Kids Out of It

[adinva]

My counselor used to talk me down when I added hyperbole and imagined threats to the real resentments I had against my H. She would ask me questions and ask H questions and I would realize that I was assuming things and getting all panicky to drive up my outrage about what he was doing.

In reality, H's "girlfriend" relaxing with the child on a hotel room bed in the daytime to watch tv is probably a very low threat to your child. Outrageous and hurtful to you, yes, but you won't get him on your side or talking to you about it if you exaggerate and don't appear rational to him.

You need to get him talking to you reasonably about your daughter because if he expects to be divorced he'll be coparenting with you. It's time to start now, by keeping clear channels of communication so you both can agree on what is best for your daughter. Ask him if he's willing to do that.

At the same time, you probably need a lawyer's input now. You can get a free consultation that can be very informative if you don't spend time crying or exaggerating. Go in with specific questions about what your rights are and how you can make sure D is safe. You might need to draw up a visitation agreement with H.