My W has basically washed her hands of financial responsibility. She spends what she wants when she wants and has run up cc debt without showing accountability to pay it back. Had to separate those accounts to protect the family and was labelled as "controlling" for the act.
Something to consider (I'm doing this now also) is if your H is "feeling" you let him down, then those are his feelings and there may be some truth to it. This does not mean these issues are your fault and that is NOT what I'm saying. What I am learning for myself is that I brought my own issues & behaviors to my M and they have contributed to the issues.
It doesn't make me a bad person, just human. I knew this at a high level but its starting to hit a little deeper for me to see how my actions/behaviors have contributed and its helping me see more 180's that I can do as a result.
This does NOT justify his actions & behaviors. He may be trying to justify his actions by what he's claiming about you (typical WAS stuff) but that is a defense mechanism to avoid looking deeper. Its hard to deflect that but I'm guessing you can do it (believe me, if I can, you certainly can!)
As I read your post, I see a lot of frustration with your H's behaviors which often boils down to unmet expectations for you. Which brings me to that wonderful word....detachment.
Money is a big issue with me & W as well. I'm far more conservative in my spending than W. I've had to just move forward to manage what needs to be managed. I've offered to include her but she's resisted so I've had to just do what I feel is best for the family. I get flack about it but I know I'm doing what is best under the circumstances and will take the heat.
What can you do for you? What nights can you go out and let you H take care of S and other stuff? Even if its going to the store by yourself. Maybe have H handle his own dinner because you've got plans? I'm not the best at the GAL stuff so others can help you there.
((((NH))))
Me:45, W:45 S:16 D:13 M:22, T:25 Bomb: July 2010 Putting finances in order for "D" Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
