Im glad you posted what DB coach said. First of all remember this is the HARDEST THING YOU WILL EVER DO OR GO THROUGH. Also in Divorce Remedy it talked about MLC and the patience that you will have to excercise. Patience is what I have been the most awful at....and it gets to all of us. Is it MLC or just an affair? It's hard to say. I base my xh as an MLC based on reading MLC for Dummies and so many similar comparisons with many friends here on the board. You can find the MLC of Dummies on the MLC thread. It's under MLC resources. It's a great read and comical....which helps ease the pain! However it fit 95% of what I witnessed my xh go through and act out as.
If you've offered to connect and he's not accepting it, that could be just taken as information right now. It's very hard to remain objective here in a sitch like this and not get your thoughts to carry you away. So right now he may not want to. Keep letting him know the door is open so to speak but carry on " as if" your life is going along ok with out him. Believe me he will take notice. It just may take him a while to accept offers or agree to come by the house for small things. Right now he's probably feeling very torn between you and OW.
10 months ago when xh left, this is how we were....like DB coach encouraged you to be. XH was the one that offered to come back to the house and help with things. He came over all the time to see the kids when I was at work. He text me all the time and acted like my friend like he hadn't in years. In the same breath filing for divorce and not telling me, yet inviting me over for dinner and an overnighter at his new apartment. Personally at that point I had enough of that crap and I put my foot down and started boundaries. I have 0 patience for cake eating. HE did NOT LIKE IT and he became very angry with me. Whether or not OW was waiting in the wings Im not sure, but it was when he got angry with me he made justifications and moved OW in 2 months after we separated.
It's so hard to make solid decisions in such an emotional time. But it's only you that can decide if you want to try and ride this out. Cake eating is huge with these MLCers.
Been following your posts a bit. I can identify with not having any real family around and I feel for you because this is the same sitch I am in. My closest and best friends live far away, as well as my only thriving relative which is my aunt. She's my mom now for the most part, for my real mom passed away 7 years ago. My grandma is still living, 92 and bed bound, with full dementia. Love her so much, but she's for the most part gone. His family because my family, and of course xh was the one true friend I always thought I'd have, then this! JOY!
So I understand how it feels to be all alone. I also have two children, so Im doing this gig all myself 5 -7 days a week.
