Shiny,
Quote:

Part of his decision should IMHO include how it might affect you, and what he can do to reassure you should he go back there.

Well, I was just about to post back about how my H was not the type to engage in such a dialogue.
Sometimes, it feels good to be wrong. And this is one of those times.

Just as I was about to hit 'post', my H walked up to me (after speaking with our friend) and relayed the latest update on how eager the lab was to hire him back.

Later in the conversation, he said that he knew I was concerned about his returning to work there, and then reassured me that I need not worry.
He then went on to list the benefits for us should he work there again - as in higher income. H used the words "us" and "we" liberally throughout.

He said that "if" he went back, it would be on "his" terms - no more flat salary, no more extended hours, and that he'd be getting home by 5pm each day, etc.

Now, having just read your suggestion (and others here) that he include my feelings and give reassurances, I decided to step over the line and broach THE topic.

I let him know that regarding his reemployment, I want to be included in the decision-making - he readily agreed.

I asked him about whether I would be included in any after work activities and told him how much it had hurt me to be excluded - he said that he understood and not only would I be included in any after work get-togethers, but that we'd also spend some of his lunch breaks together.

I asked if OW was still working there - he said probably. He assured me that NOTHING would happen with her. Absolutely nothing.

I asked him if he would inform her that he's back with his wife - for good - and would he do whatever it takes to discourage her from further pursuit.
He informed me that I could count on it.

He then went on to tell me that she probably already knows that we're back together because he had previously told a number of friends about his turn around and "news gets around".
I asked him who, specifically, he had told, and he replied "Well, John for one". (John is one of our closest friends, the one I keep referring to.)
I asked him what he had said - and this is what he told me. "I told him that I'm happy with my life now; I love my wife; that I'm going to stay where I am; and that it doesn't make any sense for me to go else where and start over when I have want I right here".

The dynamite was planted.

I was fixated at this point and felt a quake gathering deep inside. "You told him that?", I asked as my face started bunching.

The fuse was lit.

"Sure".

Kaboom!
The dam had burst.

I heard my H "Ooooohhh" as he walked over.
He wrapped me in his arms and gave me his shoulder to cry into.
In between sobs I muttered, "I needed to hear that".

I later went up to him and hugging him said, "I trust you".
sniffle...sniffle
“And that makes all the difference in the world."

I think he needed to hear those words, because he looked, well... pleased .

Jeannine