Still Afloat and moving Forward

[BeingMe]

Well, time for a new Topic. My last one is linked here: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2166933

This month has been a good one, for me. H is still traveling, but strangely home on weekends more often. He treats me well, taking me to dinners, to the movies, etc. (sometimes I say no, got work to do). We hang out with our friends (who all know what's happening). If I had any inkling that he was thinking of reconciling, it would've been dashed when my D19 asked him if we could go on a family trip to our homeland. His reaction told me everything. He is fine being a "friend", coming home to home cooked dinners, having someone to hang out with, and a room to sleep while he visits with the kids, and enjoys the comforts that come with that. Any further than that, he is not interested, and quite frankly, neither am I. I am playing it cool, and friendly, so that I can get the best deal out of the D. I don't want any fights, or arguments. I will, however, protect myself by going to an attorney so that I know what my rights are. I have located one that also does mediation, if we go for that.

As things stand now:

I do not trust him, but I will be friendly and go with the flow, until I am ready to legalize our S. I doubt I will ever trust him again, so there is no point in hoping for a R with him. Even though I still love him, I think trust is way more important in a M. I am nicely detached now, and am in no way eager to reconcile, and then have to go through all those emotions again, if/when he betrays me as I believe he would again. Best to just move on. He has done nothing to change my mind about trusting him, anyway. He does communicate better, but I don't think there's anything to it ... it's not a H/W type of communication ... more like a friendship. I cannot be a true friend to him (I cannot even trust him as a friend), because of everything he has done, but I can be friendly. I can forgive, but it's hard to forget.

Some interesting quotes on trust:

To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.
- George MacDonald

Love all, trust a few.
- William Shakespeare

You see THAT girl, yeah her.
She seems so invincible right.
but just touch her & she'll flinch.
She has secrets & she trusts no one.
she's the perfect example of betrayal.
cause everyone she trusted, broke her
- xanga

The worst part about being lied to is knowing that you weren't worth the truth.
- Mishaela

I may have trust issues, but some people seem to have an issue with the responsibility of being trusted..
- Unknown

You look at me and think, 'she's so happy' but there's so much behind this little smile that you will never know.
- Unknown

"If you have enough guts to stab me in the back, then why don't you grow some balls and stab me in the front."
- jordan<3

"Respect and Trust are two way streets.."
- My Father