Can you please help?

[fightForMyHubby5]

Hello,
And thank you for reading. I believe that my H is having a MLC with an A included. I would like to get your help, as I am desperate...

I am 30, he is 31, together for 12 years, married for 3.5. We do not have any children. First sign was when my H turned 30. He was very upset and did not want to celebrate (for the first time). We talked about this issue and he said that everything was fine. After that, he started exercising regularly and having protein shakes. He also changed his diet. The year before he bought a convertible car. He also changed the way he dressed, but not very much.

When I turned 30, I told him that I wanted us to have our first baby. It was something that we had discussed earlier (when we first got engaged and then when we got married) and both of us agreed that we wanted to have our first baby when we were 30. When I brought this issue up, he was very upset and told me that he was not ready yet. I got mad (I know that it was a mistake from my part) and started questioning the reasons he did not want to have a baby. Was it because he didn’t love me enough? Was it because he was just not ready? So, after a week I discussed my concerns with him and after that discussion I told him that I am fine with our decision to wait a little longer.

A month after this he came home one day and told me that he wanted to move out for a few days to “find himself”. He moved in with his parents. I was devastated. Two days after that he sent me an email describing that he has never thought what he wanted to do with his life. He told me that he may wanted to move out of the country. He also told me that all this time we have been together he was just trying to make me happy ignoring his needs, etc.

I thought that he just wanted some space. I tried to give it to him. Two months after separation, I told him that I couldn’t do that anymore. He agreed to move back in. When he came home he was very cold and distant. He didn’t want to touch/kiss/hug me. I was really hurt. It was like I had a stranger in my house. I started snooping. One day I got his iPad and checked his emails. I found some suspicious emails from a girl. I confronted him the next morning and he told me that she was “just a friend”. He cried. I went out for a few hours just to calm down. When I came back he apologised and agreed to try. Nothing changed. On November he moved out again to his parents. We have been separated since.

All this time I have tried to create some distance and to detach. Unfortunately I have found this website in December. I have bought and read both DB and DR books. I am trying really hard to apply the techniques Michelle is suggesting, but I find it difficult since we are not living together. We have contact (every 2-3 days we talk to the phone). We also meet for coffee once a week. He says he does not want to try for R at this moment, but this is not his final decision. So I leave him space, try not to start R talks, although I find it very difficult. There are times were I cannot hold my temper and my anxiety. And when I fall into this, I fall big time ...

So I am writing to you with the following questions:
1. Is this a MLC or just an A?
2. What are the best techniques to use when we are separated?
3. Can I use 2-3 techniques together?

Sorry for the long post, any help will be much appreciated!