Man DG I am so sorry. I hate that the process even works that way. It's like rubbing salt in your wounds.
HOWEVER, as far as you've come through all this, this may be the best thing that ever happened to you. You have grown so much, my friend. You are so much wiser, too. You have come so far, and there's no doubt in my mind it's going to get even better and better for you.
