Everwhere is walking distance if you have the time

[ClingingToHope]

Antlers, I think or hope that someday I'll get there with XW. I felt I was headed in the right direction and was surprised at how down I've felt in the last month.

Fib, I am trying to prepare for the day this guy or some guy shows up at D13 or D9 events. It'll come and I actually had a bit of a panic attack when I considered he might be at her 13th birthday party.

Who knows how life will turn out? I can't dread the future. I want all of my girls "big" moments to be happy ones -- first real boyfriend, homecoming, prom, high school and college graduation and weddings. I do not want the girls to have to worry about me when planning these things. So I have to man up and I will -- with time.

SFO, my best friend is the CFO of a data company down there and this will be our second trip to visit since the breakup. Key West will be new. I can't wait for the Catamaran trip.

If there's one thing I can cling to it is the fun I have taking my daughters places. When I'm dead and gone I want their memories not to be dominated by the sad divorce but rather by all the things we experienced together.

I can't erase the divorce. They asked me a sad question a couple of weeks ago. "Are we doomed. Are we going to get divorced to because our parents are divorced?"

I told them that love is a choice. People get married because they feel the love. But that fades, even in the best of marriages, and it comes down to deciding to be in love.

I told them I wasn't taught that by my parents. My dad died before we could talk about stuff like this and my mom was a "feel" love person. She went from relationship to relationship thinking this was the magical one only to jump ship once the honeymoon effect was over.