I'm so glad Mattie stopped by your thread. To me, tis' an honor to have her take the time to help me through this.
I asked her to stop in here because your dealing with laying demons to rest. She has CERTAINLY has had to do that and although I think she still thinks back to those times as we all will, she's really her own success story.
What strength it takes to move through all the memories! She's so happy with her "new" husband, she does not have much time to waste on rehashing.
She's a very wise woman, and if you can go back and read her threads, I think you'll know what I mean.
I'm doing quite well at this detaching thing and my turtle of a H has already popped his head from his shell just a bit and tonight he called son while S and I were out to dinner and he asked to talk to me!
Just to chat. I did not ask him to call me. I did not ask what he'd been doing. I acted perfectly happy. Matter of fact, I WASN'T acting! I am happy!
It brought tears to my eyes when I read about your discussion with your H. He loves you so much Jeannine. The things he says!
I think he truly agonizes over what he did to you.
I know what it feels like, and the hardest thing to do is to forgive YOURSELF when you REALLY realize what you've done. That's why I say, while we hate to see our S in pain, this period of guilt is essential for them. If they do not have it, they cannot empathize. If they do not have it then they do not know the full impact of what they've done.
To truly WANT to come back and MAKE things work, they have to have this time.
It's like confessing your sins to God. When you do that, you are really remorseful, and do not want to repeat them again.
This is not to say that they come back out of guilt. Not at all. They come back out of love, and the guilt they feel is normal when they realize the amount of pain they have caused to this person they love.
Do not be alarmed when you see this in your H. Comfort him, for he FEELS your pain inside of him. This tells you that he loves you VERY much indeed.
