deployment to divorce 1

[31nheartbroken]

Ok, so I am still having a horrible time today. I have been painting and cleaning the extra room which includes going through lots and lots of old papers. UGH, triggers, triggers, triggers!! I just can't seem to get away from them today no matter what I do. Even when I leave the room or the house something triggers me!

I guess it is made worse by the fact that H's current spending at his school appears that he is not only spending for himself anymore and he's eating at those places that are not typical of him again! I know via emails from H's FB that OW was planning to visit him in March so I'm assuming that is now! Of course, messages from him have been very sparse and very, very brief compared to what they were last week. Last week he called back and forth about taxes, told me about the truck tires, etc. Didn't hear from him on Fri or Sat then on Sun I get this:

H: new netflix password is *******
H: you need to send the movies back

I don't reply! Then last night at midnight I get:

H: pay bills (extra money finally went in so he was telling me the money was there to pay the bills)

Makes me wonder if he feels guilty about talking to me when OW is around and if so, I wonder if he has something to feel guilty about, like feelings for me when he claims there aren't any. I also wonder if she realizes he's been talking to me as much as he has.

My gut tells me that this OW is pretty much using him for his money!! I really hope that gets old for him after a while!! Also thinking she's been pushing him with the D. Oh well, can't wait until they find out that it's gonna be at least 01/13. Hoping she gets annoyed after a while and backs off!!

I am back to planning to tell H I know about OW, but I think I have come up with a better way. I still feel like I need to let him know to get it off my chest. At this point I no longer expect anything, not even for him to stop seeing her.

I'm thinking of casually saying something like this: (next time we are face to face, still feel this is better)

"I think there might be something you need to tell me"

I'm sure his heart will race and he will think Oh sh!t, but he will say something like "what do you mean".

Then I will cock my head to the side and say "you know what I mean"

he'll probably say "no I don't"

then one last thing I will say "I'm giving you a chance to come clean right now, but if you don't know what I'm talking about then ok"

Hoping in this type of conversation I will be able to question him or hint around that I know without it appearing that I am really accusing him of anything. If he doesn't come clean and tell me then there is nothing I can do. I think he suspects that I know, but since I haven't said anything then he can't be sure.

Should I tell him in a conversation like that or just start asking questions and start hinting around. For example: H paid his cell phone bill this month and it is almost the same amount it was when our phones were on the same account. I'm pretty sure OW is on the account now.

I was thinking of saying something like "why is your cell phone bill so much, it almost looks like your still paying for both of our phones or something". So, I can hint around that I know that bill is for two lines without flat out accusing or questioning.