Yes, I can see his side of things. But why should it be entirely up to me to be open to his feelings. Why? Because YOU are here fighting for your marriage and HE IS NOT.
Someone has to take the first step, and since he wants Out of the marriage it must be you...or
you can remain in your stand off, and watch the marriage end b/c after all, why should YOU take the first step? Beware of false pride, ego and don't confuse it with self respect. He hasn't been open to mine. Yes he needed to feel loved. So did I. More of the same [i]score keeping[/i]. You have to let go of this or you're going to be bitter and STUCK...
Scorecards always...always HURT marriages. BTW, he has his own scorecard and on HIS card, you are not ahead.
He probably feels he has been very burdened financially, working his butt off and you aren't even warm to him when he comes home...hey, that MIGHT be HIS point of view and you don't seem to want to even go there. But without empathy for him, you are doomed.
IMO and it is a personal opinion, withholding sex in a marriage is a huge mistake people (mainly women) make, that hurts their spouse and marriage far more than they realize.
Wotholding sex appears punitive as heck. It looks like one spouse is trying to "teach the other a lesson" which is NOT a spouse's job. And sadly, tragically, it prevents the couple from bonding or connecting or reconciling, so they both lose out.
Instead of sex being a "favor" one does for the spouse, see it as an act of love that is mutual. I wrote a lot about this in my post to you before, but you ignored that.
What do you think that means?
I have been trying to stay strong and upbeat and change my actions yet all it;s done is put off the inevitable.
Delaying his leaving is the best you can hope for at this point so good for you!
What 180s are you doing? Understand what I told you before; it takes TIME for the spouse to believe the changes are real AND Lasting.
Changes you need to make are vital to make but they are also NOT FOR HIM...he can be in the Australian outback for all we care, when it comes to your personal work.
For instance, let's say you have a bad temper. Learning to control it and stay calmer, is a good thing not FOR HIM, FOR YOU...it'll improve all the relationships in your life, not just the marriage.
So try to see that whatever issues or traits or flaws you want to work on in you, are empowering to you.
B/C if you were a perfect wife, or if you cannot/will not change yourself
then the marriage will fade out and you are in effect powerless.
But that is not the case.
So dig deep and work ONLY ON YOU b/c you are all you can work on.
His changes may come in time, OR your m will end...but no matter what, you'll have become a woman only a fool would leave.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
