So, just over a week has gone by since my last post and nothing seems to have really changed - we had our usual talk on Sunday evening and nothing new was said and as usual she bought up the morning when I shouted at her, BUT at least I had chance to clarify something, she said 2 weeks ago I said I was condoning the way I spoke to her that morning, but I clarifyed that with her that I don't think it was right and if I had chance to go through that morning again I would handle things very differently but I think the way I behaved which ultimately was just shouting at her (and she gave as good back) was understandable.

I really am not sure she is mentally right at the moment, wether that is MLC or some kind of depression or whatever, she just doesn't seem quite right, it's kind of hard to explain but the symptoms of MLC pretty much sum it up, bringing up childhood issues, extreme selfishness, unable to hold a decent conversation about our relationship, THAT distant look in the eyes, trying 'too hard' with other family members too have fun and so much more. Every time I even hint at us splitting up she does an about turn, she doesn't say she wants us to stay together but talks about US in a future context and is making plans for our future with us both being together. I think she is extremely mixed up. I really feel that shes holding onto that morning for everything shes got as it's pretty much the only thing that is factual and not exagerated from stuff in the past but it's been 3 months now and it's getting tiring and it feels like shes holding onto it as a kind of shield to protect her from facing reality about the EA.

One other thing I said Sunday was 'I do miss you, you know' and she started really crying, I know this reaction could mean many things but she just seems so completely confused and doesn't really have a clue at all whats going on in her head, I also said to her about the 5LL because she said I never loved her (right!) and she started crying when I explained how I'd learnt her love languages and what I was doing in the past was me showing her love but was not how she received it.

Divorce busting is tricky at the moment and for the last 3 months because NOTHING gets a positive reaction, it's either a neutral reaction or an angry reaction! Obviously I'm trying to avoid anything that makes her angry and trying to get a neutral reaction.