No, Tis not. I'm having one of those meltdowns you refer to.
It's always hard at first when you start to detach.
It feels so foreign to us, and very frightening. It feels like we will push our S further away from us when we're trying SO very hard to hold on to them.
However, the opposite is true. I'm just learning this and it's taken me a LONG time to learn this lesson.
It's hard to give up control if you think there is OP is involved, but we have NO control over that whatsoever. They will have to figure out on their own who they want.
Who looks the most attractive to them? Well, at first the OP does but as we change and grow and live our own lives they start to notice and maybe they start to feel something of what they first felt for us.
It take TIME. I've been at this for over 2 yrs. but I've made a TON of mistakes. My H will not commit but he does not want to let go either so I have to let go and see if he follows.
I'm still struggling every day to detach. SOme days are better than others, but in the long run I know I'll be ok. That's what makes it all worth it. Rachael
