Quote: Did you and your H spend time together when he still had OW?
Yes.
I remember with great pain, the look on my H's face when he'd come home at night, his eyes cast down and the air around him simply dripping with emotional conflict.
It was a nightmare to be sure.
He knew that I knew and yet did not chastise him. In fact, I was warm and friendly. This, I believe, made him feel REALLY bad about what he was doing. In essence, I was killing him with kindness.
But please don't misunderstand me, I had some major meltdowns from time to time and wasn't ALWAYS sweet and loving, especially in the beginning when I was trying to find a foothold in the dark.
Time passed (lots of it) and I got better at carrying out many of the DB techniques, and he in turn, began to inch his way back into my life. It was one step forward and two steps back for the most part.
I think that when our spouses are in alien mode, their world is spinning out of control too. If we can remain centered and stable, (or at least give the appearance) they are more likely to gravitate toward us.
