If you like Pina Coladas....

[purgatory]

SIAS- thanks for checking up on me. I haven't read my early posts in a while, but I'm sure I might be a little embarrassed

Journal:

I got 2 great compliments yesterday.

The first came from our MC. She was calling b/c she needed to close our case and was wondering if we still needed to come for sessions. We hadn't spoken to her since the beginning of January, so I filled her in on OW, H getting his official orders to AFG and my trip to FL. She was more than a bit surprised. She asked a few other questions about the sitch... and then said that I sounded like I was in a wonderful place. That it seemed like I wasn't fighting it anymore and was making plans for a future.

This made me feel like maybe I really *am* in a good place, if she can tell a difference simply over the phone.

My second one came from my IC, who I had an appointment with yesterday afternoon. I hadn't seen her since before my trip to FL. I gave her the overview of my trip details (including my faith intervention) and my 'soul bearing' talk with H just last week. I told her about getting my job and she got caught up on my heart issues. I felt bad b/c the whole 1.5 session was mostly me talking and her interjecting here and there. After all was said and done, she said that it seems like a weight/burden had been lifted from my shoulders, and that I seem to be stronger and happier. I was surprised by the happy statement- but maybe she sees something I don't.

Not related.....
On the way home, I heard a song on the radio- have no idea what it is- but a verse got me thinking....The singer was asking his lost love if she would mourn for him if he was gone forever.
I started crying my car, sappy but true. I wonder if H would mourn for me if I died. What if my heart surgery goes wrong? What if I got in a car accident? I would like to assume that he would be sad, but would he be mourning a friend or his wife? Would it make him regret his choice to leave? Would that be the 'bomb' that he needed to shake his train of thought?

I know, not positive thoughts. But sometimes I think it's healthy to let your mind wander- as long as you can bring it back in... which I did

Then my night ended with the baby getting a fever of 103 and a sleepless night. I text H to let him know about it last night, and this morning- with hardly a reaction out of him! It's so uncharacteristic of him- he's usually right there next to me on the sleepless nights and calling a few times through out the day to check on the ids when they're sick- I haven't heard from him all day.

Guess the WAS really is in their own world.