Suddenly Separated in VA -- need your help

[mimivac]

Thanks, Ad! I am having a pretty good morning and in the "hopeful for my life" state right now, so that is always good.

Journaling: I find that there are certain times of the day when I start becoming anxious. I can feel the discomfort, the elevated heart rate, the sadness. Last night, I stopped at the market after work to pick up a few ingredients for dinner. In the condo, I turned on the heat, threw in a load of laundry and started on dinner (lobster rolls!). That's when I felt it. Cooking and housekeeping are usually very calming activities for me, but I guess they also remind me of my sitch these days. So, I did some deep breathing and poured myself a glass of white wine from a half-empty bottle in the fridge. Felt more relaxed. After dinner, I put in a documentary and relaxed on the couch with my blanket and my cat. Then I headed to bed with my steamed milk and ipad for more reading. I consider that a great evening. I did what I wanted. I was responsible and content.

H did not call last night to say goodnight and I realized that the more he doesn't call, he stronger I become. Sometimes hearing from him is like a "hit" of a drug I am addicted to. I can then relax for a little longer. But when I don't get that "fix," I get antsy again. But I am not going to be truly detached until I no longer need it. So, last night, I was surprised at how OK I was with not hearing from him. I didn't wonder whether he was solidfying his decision to separate, or what else it could mean that he didn't call. I was content by myself.

I had a great morning. I am an early riser and I love to read in bed before the day starts. So I did just that. I made myself a cup of tea and read my book, then made my lunch for the day, got dressed and came to work. I didn't have mornings like that when H was around because he always had to have CNN on television and was rushing around all morning. I have a more leisurely style. So, I am appreciating the little things and using this gift of time to take care of myself.

I know I will still have my ups and downs. I still wake up several times a night with anxiety. But for today I am doing well and appreciating what life has to offer.

Mimi