It amazes me that the things these guys say are all the same! I heard every one of those things your H said. Every one!
He still does not feel like our home is home to him.
All these things that he says add up to me that he is still involved with OW.
He has a pretty bad track record, so I'd say there's a good chance of it.
Something is keeping him from commiting. He gets real close and then he turns cold.
I think it's her influence over him. He's torn in two directions, hense the relief he feels when I back off and his reluctance to anitiate any contact.
Maybe he feels that if he's not living with me and not seeing me he's not doing something as bad.
I think he does have a conscious, but not enough to break it totally off with OW. He's to weak.
I have no tangible proof, but come on! Every single sign is there. All the same ones you got from your H.
What am I to do but detach from it?
I CANNOT change what he's doing. I've tried for a LONG time and NOTHING I do helps.
I could say what I feel about these H's that cheat and the women that entice them,but I might get thrown off this bb!
I owe you an opology. I read your post and I got hooked by the things you said your H did because it was all the same things my H said.(he never stayed out late-big whoop)
You are laying your pain out there and I know how hard it is to revisit those horrid memories.
All I can say is they lose something within themselves when they do this. It really is like they are someone else.
I don't know what makes them do it and I sure don't know what makes them snap out of it.
Your H has though. That does not make the memories any less painful. That does not make trust any easier.
We have to work so hard to get past all this. It's probably the hardest thing we'll ever have to do.
Please keep sharing with us. It may hook me, but I need to work through my anger and this is as good a way as any I can think of.
I hope you don't mind if I use what you say to process my own feelings. Your so articulate, and you get to the very core of the betrayal and how it effected you.
I promise not shanghi your thread again. I apologize Jeannine. Rachael
One of the things that I hope to accomplish by writing out some of these nasty memories surrounding my (bomb) anniversary, is to cleanse my mental palate so that I might better taste the sweetness of the life I know share with my H.
The other thing that I'm hoping this exercise will accomplish, will be that others find a common thread here. That it acts as a life line and provide a portion of hope for those of us who are navigating this long and tiresome path.
And please keep in mind, that although I am recounting my H's devious behavior from a year ago, I in no way wish to discount my own responsibility in the overall disintegration of my marriage. This is key to successfully repairing a damaged relationship and keeping it on track.
Even if your H were to come back home now, do you really think that you have done the work that is so very necessary to hold it all together?
I say this with kindness in my heart, Rachael.
There is still too much focus on the OW.
The lions share of energy NEEDS to go to solutions, not problems.
I know that you know what you need to do, so....
How about writing out some short-term goals along with some actions to support them. Yes, yes?
Jeannine, You are a gem. What a kind spirited heart you have.
The answer to your question is NO. I can't forget about the OW because my H has given me NO idication by his actions that he is rid of the scag. Until he starts acting like your H or T2's and acts like he is totally in love with me I will NOT believe it's over.
He has given me NO idication by his actions that it is. Only his LAME answer that he is done with her.LIE. LIE, LIE!
I've heard that TOO many times to believe it by the way he's acting. You must remember I've been through this SEVERAL times with him and you learn to know the lingo, the lies, the empty promises.
PLEASE do not discount me by saying I'm not ready. I'm MORE than ready Jeannine. He has not given me any indication that the R with her is over by his actions.
You know that gut feeling? Do younot believe in it? Every SINGLE time I've had it it's been right. It's what you had when you first thought what your H was doing.
I've been at this a very long time remember.
My H still does the cell phone thing where he puts it on vibrate, or leaves it in his car. PAAAA-leeez!! My Gawd woman, I KNOW the SIGNS!
When and IF he stops this wishy washy crap and back and forth I MIGHT or might not be there for him.
Jeannine, I'm DAMN tired of being LIED to.
Every single sign is there. Every one. What am I to do?
Hide my head in the sand like I've done for 2 yrs and found out he was lying to me??
I seriously doubt what ever the man would do would EVER make me trust him again.
Maybe if she dies, I would believe he wasn't screwing her.
Short of that, I'm sorry I've been in denial for a LONG time, and it's awakening time for me.
He's doing EVERY single thing a man in an A is doing.
I'm not going to give him his cake anymore.
YES, I'M pissed. My D just called my brothers to see if I was here. I am. She called my H and asked him where I was. He said he didn't know where I was. Well the A## hole was suppose to call me to tell me how to get to S's basketball game tomorrow, and tell me if the crawl space was flooded.
Do you think the A## would call me? No he's a F'ing die hard, that won't call me because I'm not calling him. It's ALL about control for him.
He's a jerk and I don't know what the hell I'm doing even caring a whit about him.
Oh I'm ticked! Sorry Jeannine, but I know you can handle it-you've been here. Rachael
Quote: Oh I'm ticked! Sorry Jeannine, but I know you can handle it-you've been here.
You bet your bupey I've been there. Let it spill sweetie.
I'm not even going to dissect your last post because you need to let it rip and release some pressure. And I want you to feel free to bring all that electricity here instead of to your H.
Yes, I know that consuming rage you are feeling right now and the exhaustion that comes with being tossed from emotion to emotion.
I know what it is to feel suffocated by pain.
I'd also spent a lot of time questioning the logic of my efforts and doubted whether I wanted my H back - or not.
Hey, we don't call this the "rollercoaster" for nothing.
Yes, yes? 
Hint....Dbing, patience and time. 
