Separation, Moved back in, still ILYBNILWY Part 2

[tenbusrider]

Bug - I keep telling myself that, but it seems to be an unconscious reactions.

Purg - she hasn't really said she wanted to work on things. She somewhat hinted at it when she moved back in, but there hasn't really been any more talk about that since. The roller coaster continues...

Journaling -

W seemed to be in a good mood when I got home. She talked to me for a bit about small stuff, I just agreed with her when there was an opportunity to, but I didn't feel much like staying engaged with her.

She mentioned she was going to clean the house today, something that doesn't happen very often. Normally it's up to me to get the place clean. I asked her if she wouldn't mind picking up the toys in my room, since that doubles as S's playroom during the day. She told me that she would, and that she'd meant to already have that done before I got home. I thanked her for that, said it was the thought that counts.

W loves "The Voice", so Monday night is about the only night that there's guaranteed to be some TV watching going on. We don't have cable, and the antenna in the living room doesn't get a good signal for the local NBC affiliate, but the one in the guest bedroom (my room) does. So for the last few weeks, she spends Monday night in my room. I usually lay on my bed with her, but not in a cuddly kind of way, just a relaxed, layed out, watching TV kind of way. S was being pretty wild, but I eventually got him to relax and fall asleep between W and I. I had my arm around him, and the back of my hand was touching W's leg. She usually pulls away when there's any contact, but didn't last night. When I noticed that she hadn't, I made an effort to readjust my hand so I wouldn't be touching her (or at least not as much, it's a full size bed). I was pretty tired, so for the most part I was actually laying down, but tried to stay in an upbeat mood anyway.

She made dinner and brought me a plate, something she doesn't really do anymore. I thanked her for it, she said "you're welcome." Normally the response to my thanks is "no problem." That drives me crazy, we're not teenagers/early 20-somethings anymore. The too cool for school stuff is old, you know?

She sent a few texts on her "dumb phone", at one point she got a number of msgs (I guess from BFF), and I asked her if everything was alright. There's been some drama between BFF and her H. She said that everything was fine, and I left it at that.

After the show was over (wound up watching Smash, too... about the most dramatic show I've ever seen), we went for a last cigarette before bed. She had some gas and it was pretty obvious. She apologized for the "low note" and I responded "brown note." She laughed pretty hard from that, almost doubled over laughing. I haven't seen her laugh like that in months. It felt pretty good. Wish I could make her laugh more often.

I carried S to her bed, and noticed a white padded envelope on the bed. I asked her about it, she said it was BFF's, and I let it go at that. I told her to sleep well, she told me to do the same. Usually that's just met with a goodnight. We did say goodnight, and I went to bed, hoping that she was just feeling better.

Still feeling pretty weak today, not sure why. It doesn't really make sense. I'm a fairly emotional person, but I haven't been able to keep it in check lately. May still be fallout from Saturday night. I'm not sure.