Quote: for a long time I took the feelings to the keyboard AND to the H too, but I finally learned to stop doing that except on the rare occasions when it makes sense.
Yes, this was a lesson that was a long time coming for me, as well. However, when I ceased to be an open book for my H, I noticed an acceleration in his interest level in me.
Quote: He cried at the part where Aragorn and Arawyn were reunited.
Relating - big time!?
Quote: What do you do with a closet romantic?
Good question. Or were you being rhetorical?
I believe that any kind of creative expression, (performed or observed) such as sculpting, dancing, writing, painting, etc., aid in cracking away the armor that shields our romantic underbelly.
Quote: Rachael, You have changed. The winds of change are echoed in the words you write. You sound strong, thoughtful, and introospective. Gone is the sound of a needy, anxiety- ridden woman.
Yes indeed Mattie. I agree.
Rachael,
Stick with the train of thought that you expressed in your most recent post, and you will be well on your way to experiencing positive changes for youself, and in all likelihood, your marriage.
Here's a problem. My H says he cannot talk to me, and that he does not feel like I am his BF.
He''s comparing me to the OW whom he told me he could talk to her about anything (give me a break) and he felt COMFORTABLE around her. (puke here)
I asked him WHY IS HE NOT WITH HER and WHY IS HE WITH ME?
I never really got an answer about that, so it tells me he's not really over her or he would have said that I'm what he wants and that he no longer cares about her.
I've had to get mad and ask him if he wants her and he says no, but the way he acts, he doesn't want me either!
I'm at my wits end with this man because I've been doing this for over 2 yrs and I'm so tired of him not commiting and him having his cake! Rachael
Just because your H has not fully committed to you and your M, does NOT mean he wants to be with OW.
Again, you must turn your focus off of her and back on to yourself.
Quote: My H says he cannot talk to me, and that he does not feel like I am his BF.
He is giving you imformation here, sweetie. Listen. This is what you need to focus on - not the OW, not even YOUR wants or (sorry) needs right now.
How about acting as if he is nothing more than an old friend. How would you behave around him if he were just that.
You might also try (when the time is right) to ask him, "What do you need from me in order to feel like I'm your best friend". Look for specifics and keep your attention fixed on his needs and desires. Your time will come after you help him over the finish line.
And may I remind you once again....PATIENCE. This is a veeeery sloooow process.
After more than a year of playing the role of ‘Maestra’ over the addition of an appropriate living area for “the folks”, and getting my mother’s H out of the nursing home and moved in here by the end of 2002, I was SO ready to invest some energy back into myself.
But as soon as the new year kicked in, my H started shifting into high gear.
He was now going out every night after work and disappearing for most of the weekend.
Toward the middle of the first week of January, he called from work and said that he might be going out and should be home by 8pm. I thanked him for letting me know and told him to have a good time, all the while struggling with the assembly of a bedside commode for my mother’s husband. (He’s incontinent AND feeble ).
Eight o’clock rolled round, no H.
I waited until 9:30pm with dinner getting cold, then called his cell. No answer.
10pm, H calls and tells me that he's been invited to a co-worker’s house for a Karaoke party. In the background, I could hear lot’s of partying going on and it sounded like someone was trying to seduce him while he was talking to me.
Midnight, I called his cell again – no answer.
1a.m., H calls me from outside of wherever the hell he was by then, and tells me that he's had too much to drink and will drive home as soon as he is sober enough.
H arrived at 2a.m.
H had never stayed out that late before in all the years we’d been together. So naturally, I was tense and tired by the time he climbed into bed.
Earlier that evening, our neighbor, a used car salesman, came by wanting to firm up the deal my H had made with him for the purchase of PORSCHE. H never mentioned this to me! Just as he had never mentioned anything about all the other things he had been acquiring sense October of 2002.
I told him that I was shocked to hear about his latest acquisition from someone other than him, AND also because he had not conferred with me about it. I knew that our budget could not survive this.
My H spoke to me in a venomous manner as he informed me that he was buying it as an investment, but then swiftly went on to riddle me with statements about how he “almost didn’t come home tonight” that he “didn’t want to be here", how much he disliked this place. He said “it didn’t feel like home”, that he was sick when he agreed to make the move here and should not be held to it, and that I was “ALWAYS unhappy and angry!”
At this point, a feeling of surrealistic fear came over me. There was foreboding in his voice as he started to say “Alright, maybe I……”
I quickly interrupted him with an apology for not being more understanding, and for wanting to know ahead of time about such things as ‘buying a car’.
The words stopped there, but the feeling hung over our bed like a frozen lightening bolt.
I was hoping it was just the alcohol and late hour that had caused this strange and uncomfortable outburst from him.
Looking back, I now see that this was the first of many bricks that he had begun to lay in his road of betrayal. Or maybe NOT the first. I'll just say, it was the first that I'd taken NOTICE of back then.
AND feeble 
came by wanting to firm up the deal my H had made with him for the purchase of PORSCHE. 
