"The M you have reached has been disconnected...."

[faithisbelieving]

Well...hi, to, well, anyone still out there. Not sure why I decided to come back here and post again. When all is looking really good, I guess, just a bit stagnated.

My son is doing really well. He has adjusted well to divorce. We have a great relationship. I have kept him in pitching lessons and, well, he just looks like a professional pitcher now.

My daughter will be 9 in May. She still has moments when she doesn't want to leave me on that most dreadful day of the week: Sunday night when I take them home. Even last week she cried "why does there have to be a divorce...I don't want to leave you....I wish mommy and you didn't divorce." (sigh). We do projects together, collect gemstones, plant unusual plants and do tropical fish. Love her. She's my gem.

Sorry TiredHeart..if you are still following. I haven't gotten back into the game. I tried some online dating and then sorta gave up. I think I'm in a rut. I want more time with my kids more than more time with a woman right now. Although, I get my hankerings.

Divorce-wise, I guess it's as good as it's going to get. XW still with her man and looks very happy with him. I get more time with my kids than written into the stip, thanks to him indirectly I guess. 99% of her insanity and anger is gone. She can attempt to have a conversation with me, when, inside, I still just want to get off the phone. Not angry or hurting, just sort of disgusted. We communicate more and more by phone, heavily by text and there is less and less of keeping things to oneself re: kids and activities. We inform each other more. For one thing, the kids are too smart now and would detect anything and the last thing I want to do is go backward, so, all is always positive.

Workwise, great stuff. I am steadily paying off the debt amassed by the divorce. My new job is putting money away for me and the IRA that was decimated by atty's fee's and retainers may be replaced to pre-divorce status soon. Still, I have a long way to go tho'.

I've adjusted to apartment life. In fact, can't lie. The mortgage was a gorilla on my back during this whole thing, yet, I DO miss having my house and, sure, I do miss the marriage set up. As for XW, I don't miss her nor do I think of her during the day. My angst is mostly the loss of time with my kids. I still find the end of week long holidays, or, my weekend with them, extremely emotional. As I drive off without them, it is not hard to get choked up.

I miss them, still. I've adapted, but, will never adjust to not being with my kids every morning and at bedtimes.

So, in summary, things ARE better. My divorce WAS necessary. My marriage was NOT save-able and I am 100% convinced of that. But, as time goes by, I can more clearly see where I chose wrongly. The mistake was made in the beginning. HOWEVER, I can also see how the institution of marriage has changed greatly. Just as shows like Gilligan's Island, Bewitched and The Munsters are long gone....how cartoons like Bugs Bunny have morph'd into The Family Guy...so, has marriage changed in our society.

I think the marriage that we all fantasy about here, exists only for the very few. Whereas plastic surgery and one's mammogram report were privy to only the immediate family, we now can hear ALL on the grocery line via the customer in front of us' Bluetooth. Sadly, marriage is an expendable commodity now. But..OTOH...with clarity, WHY...should someone stay with someone who makes them sad, miserable, unhappy, or, whatever phrase you choose to use.

I still support the attempt to save a marriage, but, the most DIFFICULT thing to learn, HERE...is...to know when it's over, cut your losses..and move on. Best to all. FIB