Everwhere is walking distance if you have the time

[ClingingToHope]

I was not happy with myself this weekend. D13 had her plays Friday and Saturday and I was carting her around and doing well when she told me XW was going to be out late with her friend from a small town 30 minutes from here.

That also is the small town the BF lives in and it just put me in a funk.

Finally, Sunday, after church, I asked her not to tell me things about XW's personal life anymore.

"It doesn't help me." I told her. "In fact, it hurts me. I don't want to know."

My poker face is bad and she can tell I don't want to be around XW right now.

Getting back to work helped. The girls and I plotted out a great trip for Spring Break 2013 -- I like to plan ahead and save. We're going to leave the minute school is out on Friday and drive to Disney World. It's 19 hours from my place so we'll have to stop and stay the night somewhere.

We'll spend two days at Disney World and one day at Universal Studios -- to see Harry Potter World. Then we'll head farther south to Fort Myers to see my best friend. We'll stay two days, with one spent traveling to Key West.

Then I'll put the girls on a flight home. Two monster car rides would be too much. Their mom can meet them at the airport. And I'll drive back, making stops to see friends along the way.

We've been to Disney World before. It was the last big family trip and I knew it likely was the last big trip we took together. I was right. Seven months later I was out of the house. I can't wait to update that memory with this one.

That helped.

For the most part I'm doing good. I struggle when XW takes up too much space in my head. Before it was because I snooped. Now, it's because D13 is acting as a go between.

There's lots to focus on. Saving for this summer. Staying on the fitness plan. Staying busy on weekends.

There's lots to worry about too, but I'm trying to let those worries go.

Good messages from church. "Your path determines your destination." As long as I keep heading the direction I feel like I'm going I will accomplish much.

"Peace. Be still," was this week's message. It was a great message, but my brain was a jumbled mess.

I've been truly blessed in my life.

* I was born healthy to two parents who loved me.

* I did a lot of dumb things early in life that I escaped from unharmed.

* I've had relationships with several beautiful, intelligent women.

* I was blessed to marry someone who I never thought would even go out with me.

* I have two healthy, beautiful daughters who so far are heading in the right direction.

* I have a career where I make friends and have some influence.

* I've climbed from living in a guest room with two baskets of clothes to renting my own house near friends with a good financial direction.

If I get outside of my own mind and look at my life objectively, an awful lot is going well for me. It's just hard when the one person you thought would be there for you forever walks away.