Ok. Convoy done. I asked him if he is here because he wants to be or because he has no other choice. He, of course, says he wants to be. I'm fairly certain he is being truthful. I did tell him that I'm on edge and concerned that I'm going to drive him away again and asked him to please give me fair warning if he is unhappy.
The other thing I asked him was what I am to him. He doesn't have an answer to that. He says 'we are fine'. That there doesn't need to be a label. That's true, but it still makes it hard to understand if I mean anything more to him than being a bed partner.
The other thing that came out in this discussion was that he has no intentions of ever taking our R any further. No commitments, no regrets. He said if I want more than that, he can't give it and to let him know if I want him out.
Now my job is to figure out if I can live with that the rest of my life.
In short......I'm still totally confused and living on the edge of disaster.
Great.
OK, first things first. Way to go Mish! You stood up and asked the questions you needed to ask. I'm proud of you! Second, men really s@ck at the "R talk" and not having an answer to a question you've had virtually minutes to process is IMHO not unusual. Men are often thinking that the R talk means they are in trouble so our minds are clicking thinking "how do I get out of this mess" We're thinking survival, not really honestly thinking through the sitch. Men need time to process and respond otherwise you get stuff that reflects the thought of a few nano seconds versus real honest to goodness thought out answers. Anyway lastly, do any of us ever know from one day to the next what the other is going to do? We all thought we had "commitment" and look how it turned out for most of us here! So, he's there and that's where he wants to be. He's not saying he's here till something better comes along, he's here! Now, I'm also not saying that should be enough for you either but it's a different perspective on "the talk". Only you know what is enough and what you can live with, not me!
