You and I have an annaversary in common, dearheart. I knew for sure on January 22, and confronted him the next morning.
In some ways, yes...I saw it coming. The increasing distance, his depression, the way he would pull away from me when I would hug him for longer than 5 seconds. But it wasn't all like that..so I was definately getting mixed messages.
The annaversary that I think will be the most difficult for me will be his b-day, Jan. 13. He was off and gone all day while I was at work, and when I tried several times to get through to him on his cell phone, no answer. I was fussing over making him a cake when I got home, and really hoping he'd like his present (a book of old album cover art, including all of the old Filmore posters). He finally called and said he'd been up to the mountain and had been feeling bad about getting older, but had decided "F-it, lots of old farts like Mick Jaeger are still kicking around and they are older than me". He was in a good mood when he got home and was describing his day up by the river on the mountain (this would not have been out of character as that is a place he would normally go to get spiritually centered). I noticed, though, that he had a cruel little smile going on as he LIED IN MY FACE.
He had been close to the mountian...with OW and there is no cell phone reception that far up.
Damn. These memories hurt. We went to see the Return of the King the other night. Later, I began to think about the part where Frodo was stabbed with the Ringwraith's ice-cold sword on Weathertop. It never completely healed, and sometimes the wound would grow cold and make his heart feel like it was pumping cold blood. That is how those memories feel to me.
and was describing his day up by the river on the mountain (this would not have been out of character as that is a place he would normally go to get spiritually centered). I noticed, though, that he had a cruel little smile going on as he LIED IN MY FACE.
