Hi everyone! just wanted to provide a quick update: since my last post, i've been reading so many of the old threads here and have basically been trying to learn as much as I can.
Regarding my own sitch though, in early February, h and i sat down and talked and he basically said that he wanted to be alone (i.e. get a D) and that it was the only way he could think of find inner peace. His reasoning is that if I was his soulmate and we were meant to be together, he wouldn’t be feeling this inner turmoil. I would be able to give him peace. He wasn’t really able to elaborate further, but I was wondering if you had any suggestions on things that I can do to help him get his peace?
i admit that i backslid a little at this point and launched into a huge R talk in which I pointed out all the good changes I’ve been making (I’ve been doing my 180’s of just keeping my distance and basically not burdening him with anything (ie. If I have problems at work or have a bad day, I’ll just journal or talk to friends about it). He’s admitted that hes noticed the changes, but is pretty much set in his decision. He wants us to D by the end of April, and seems to be making a lot of moves toward that end.
The upside to all this is that after H got that off his chest, things seem to be getting a lot better between us. As in, H is no longer angry, and we are able to laugh together and do a lot of the things we used to enjoy doing together (have dinner together, watch our fave tv shows, go grocery shopping on weekends, etc). There is still no affection from H though, and H doesn’t seem too receptive when I try to hug him (so I’ve stopped doing that). To an outsider, things would seem almost as though they’ve gone back to normal, but H hasn’t seemed to budge at all in his decision. I know that at some point, if he files for D, I will need to let him go and that I need to detach in the meantime. This has been hard, since I’ve really been enjoying all the positive interactions with H. My BIL got us a copy of Love Dare (both the book & movie), and I’ve been thinking of doing the Love dare exercises since I will have enough days before the D date to do them. If I do this though, would the Love Dare be considered a form of pursuing? How do I do this and also “detach”? Thanks in advance for your feedback!
