Also, I've processed a lot in the last 8 months...I agree that life is too short.
This is true. My good friend almost died this last week (42, husband and father, generally in excellent health) and it does make you think (he's doing fine now, thank goodness).
You've done a lot to try to save your marriage, and you're even giving him the chance now to give up the OW and work on it. If he can't step up to the plate, I think it's ok to say you're entitled to move on then.
It's really unfortunate for the kids, but it sure sounds like he's been such a part-time dad, that they might not react as badly as most - since they are already used to him not being around that much, that part of their lives won't change much.
