Suddenly Separated in VA -- need your help

[mimivac]

Ohhhh I've felt that many times, "It doesn't matter, if he comes back I'll make it work!"

I did that for many years and guess what, I couldn't make it work.

I have felt that I'm such a different person that I would like to have the opportunity to see if things could work. But now even that is making me feel a little hinky.

How easy would it be for me to get sucked back into the same dynamic?

I feel the same. I am in and out of the dynamic right now. Just when I feel my confidence rising and my life starting to look more interesting and engaging, something [censored] me back in. I guess that's how it works as you get stronger and more self-focused . I think part of it is also about letting go, which is so difficult for those of us with control issues (I would guess many of us here). Letting go of the idea that you can control your R all by yourself; that if you try hard enough your WAS will come back to you. I admit that I still find myself thinking that way even though I am aware that the only person I am in charge of is myself. What happens outside of me is the result of many factors and many actors, with me being only one. I think there is real power and peace in that realization, but it is one thing to understand it intellectually, and quite another to feel it deep in your heart. So, I continue to struggle and learn.

As I said before, books are my salvation and these days my ipad is also my salvation. I can download a book in minutes and begin the process of learning and growing. My latest, which I started last night, is called "Everything Happens for a Reason: Finding the True Meaning of the Events in Our Lives." I love getting different perspectives on life.

Mimi