Thank you 25yearsmlc and for all who have offered suggestions and support. Her specific coplaints against me:
1. A perception that I am hiding money from her, although I have shown her my check stubs (salary) she accuses me of "hiding" money from her - the only money she does not have an accounting of is my reimbursement checks from work;
2. Not good communication regarding money (see above) always a flash point;
3. A perception that I do not get along with her family (her sister is a single M of 2 D and is having an affair with a married man - irks me that she leaves the kids with us to go have her fun - does not watch our kids in return) with this exception I love her Mom and Dad. I know that sister is her BF so I have eased up on voicing my opinion of same;
4. I don't have the same interests she does - albeit skiing is not my thing, I like being active in the outdoors.
There is no H + W time between us, it is work, school, hockey/TKO for the kids and then to sleep. Before the bomb was dropped we both have said it, but neither one of us moved.
She is not a touchy feely person, kiss and hug in the morning and she is good. Sex is on her terms. I could kiss and hug her all day if I could, seems that when I respected this she was open to more PDA.
I am giving compliments and praise to her when I can in a way that does not sound fake or phoney. Told her on Saturday that she has not lost a step on the slopes and that she is still busting her but for the kids.
Regarding the house there is no way the W could afford house plus inusrance and property taxes. I make 2x as much as she does and could stay. Always realized that her services were much more valuable than $$$ for our family, never threw this in her face.
Was there one thing or arguement before the bomb? No. Last weekend she was PO because she has been in pain with her neck and shoulder so she scheduled a massage after work on Friday Night. Told her I was going to a blues concert (she it not a concert person) that night and she flipped since I needed to watch the kids (just my luck concert is this Friday doh).
I then said that I had no idea a) she was in pain, b) that she made the appt and c) my mom was willing to watch the kids. This lead to that I am selfish for wanting to go out and not be concerned with her. Briefly the last two years she has had her appendiz and gall bladder taken out. In the end my mom would have watched the kids, but she was pissed the whold weekend and short with me and the kids.
She then tells me she wants out b/c she does not love me (and not sure if she ever did) - no other reason, I have not beaten her, would never cheat on her and don't abuse drugs/alcohol. She then shuts me out. I understand that the foregoing reasons are not the only reasons to leave, but I could understand her actions if I did any of those things.
With this new job she is leaning on a new F friend for support. She stayed at her house with her family this last weekend and is calling all the time. I have met her and liked her, but I do not think she is a supporter of our R. What can I do about this? Nothing I know.
It seems that when we went to MC 2 years ago we addressed what bothered us and made changes - stopped working so much, gave space , etc. When the problems were resolved we stopped talkling about feelings.
