Antlers: You are divorced! Your wife can have a boyfriend. No - he probably should not be staying over but he is. But that is not the real problem. You told us terrible things that were going on with your son. It sounded desperate yet you are not doing anything to get him the help he needs. Obviously your ex is not going to do it.
And what are you doing about your daughter? Are you talking to her about her bad choices? Or are you afraid you are going to lose her too? It sounds like that is why you are backing off on your son.
This situation is messed up but doing nothing is not the answer.
