Thanks Sandi2 for asking. Have been busy with work and our sons. Had to go back to KY for a few meetings and then went up to IN to see our two sons. I picked up my oldest from college and then we drove up to see my youngest compete in regionals for horse jumping. Alas, he didn't place but he sure rode well.
My W has her ticket to Dallas on Apr 26th. She is now planning on shipping her car to WA, then driving it to Dallas. Initially she had planned on having her acquaintance from San Antonio drive the car back for her, but she decided she didn't want him to because of the length of the drive.
It just means to me that she is resolute in her decision and there isn't any turning back. There has also been more drama from her. I had bought a couple of shirts and one pair of pants for work and they were delivered last weekend while I was in IN. She really was upset that I had bought the clothes. The texts came all night long about how I didn't show her attention, affection etc. "Now I'm riding off into the sunset with my new clothed and body" and that I never loved her. Said she shredded the clothes. She didn't actually, which I knew she hadn't. It is her standard way of dealing with me, just like 11 years ago when she said she threw her wedding ring into the field, I had filed the insurance claim, then found out she really didn't do that. The texts were all character assaination just like the ones from Xmas eve.
Another odd case is when she came home from work and I was out picking up dinner. She immediately called me to find out where I was. She basically accused me of being deceitful(I hadn't been gone from the house for more than 30 minutes). She then proceeded to check the cell phone records, saw I had talked to someone for about 2 hours on the phone. She called the number, she finds out it was my friend from work who lives in IN, whom she knows since he has gone out to dinner with us when he comes through ANC. He is a coworker of mine. She hung up when he answered the phone. Before I arrived back at the house he called me and said that my wife had called his phone and hung up. He had no idea why she called.
My W also got angry that I was going back to see the boys. Constantly says things like "Oh, now you're going to be the perfect Dad". Very interested in what I say the the boys, do I discuss her etc. Told me I better not say anything negative about her. She also didn't want my oldest son to go with me to see our other son. ??? I can't understand her reaction to this. You would think it would be a positive thing.
And of course the day after I got back from IN, it was her birthday. So I had the boys sign a card for her, gave her a card from me and some flowers. When she went to work that day I prepared some dinner for the evening to include baking her birthday cake. When she got home she ate dinner with me, loved the halibut and the fact that I made her a cake. I also bought 49 tulips(her favorite), and put them around the house in 5 different vases. It took her awhile to figure out the significance of the tulips but giggled when she realized how many there were (49th birthday).
But no good deed goes unpunished. She said she wished I had done that 5 years ago, we wouldn't be here right now. Next night we watched a movie together, it was a little sad and clearly affected her. When she went to bed she started to cry, said her life was an empty shell and she hated her life and how I ruined her life.
It never fails to always come back to how our failed relationship is all my fault. When I try to discuss how I've felt, she brushes it off because I never brought it up before.
Note: While writing this post, my W has texted me twice from work. I didn't reply, so within 5 minutes she called the home phone to see if I was home.
I discussed all this with my counselor. She was pretty alarmed by my W claiming to have cut up the clothes. She feels that my W has some extreme paranoid issues. And that they have been exacerbated over the past few years. All this stems from her issues as a child and the failure of her parents to address the issue with her brother.
I told my coach that in some ways I am looking forward to my W leaving. I can't keep this up forever. Nothing is changing and maybe the separation will be a catalyst for some movement in our relationship. Of course my W always reminds me that we have no relationship.
Then yesterday. I was cleaning the house and found a torn up piece of paper with my W's writing on the back. It couldn't quite make out all that it said, it was a description of a dream she had, how it woke her up and what the dream was about. It really made no sense. But at the end she had written "I love you". It was torn in small pieces and in the bathroom trash can. To me it looked as if she had written it recently. I asked her about it and she said it was old and she was looking for something else and came across it, tore it up and threw it away.
Am i being naive? Is it possible for my wife to be so jealous and paranoid about me and what I'm doing, how I look and who will replace her all while having a relationship with someone else. Is it possible she is in love with someone else? She made it clear that she isn't looking for anyone and she doesn't cheat. Does any of this matter anyway?
Since she asked for the divorce back in Sept, I've followed the DB guide and haven't looked for any signs of my W having an affair. She spends a lot of time with me when she isn't working. It hasn't crossed my mind, but in reality it shouldn't matter right. But she has hammered me so hard and so long about my cheating years ago, I'm not sure how I would feel if I found out she was ILW someone else. With our relationship, how could I get past that. It would almost seem to be easier for me to walk away. Am I reading this incorrectly?
I'm tired. I'm exhausted thinking about my W. I just want some relief one way or the other.
What is your take on the move to TX. My counselor things my W will be back. She said the interesting thing about people who perceive they don't get enough attention, when they walk away they come to realize that they no longer have a way to get attention or manipulate the other. My fear has always been that once she goes to TX, she will move without me. Should I have that fear, I know I can't control it.
Coach also said my W has a strong reaction to any success I have. Learning to cook, working out, being a good father, helping others and especially any success work related. She does not want me to be successful. Anything that paints me in a good light she quickly tears down.
25, 2TP, J3B, FinAK and Sandi2, your comments have helped greatly. Especially about forgiving myself and setting down the load never to be picked up again. I was really starting to detach and even question if a relationship was possible with my W. Unless she is willing to make some significant changes I don't see a path forward. Of course i realized I had to change months ago and have been working on that ever since.
Finding the paper with ILY on it has set me back a bit. Again, I don't know what it really means but it has me doubting myself again.
