The thing that worries me is the difficulty with intimacy that victims of incest suffer from. How can we help them get past that and really open up their hearts?
You CAN'T.
That is the first thing you have to get through your head.
You didn't break her and you CAN'T fix her.
She has to decide to do it.
She may NEVER decide to do that.
When you research this you will find books to help for partners of victims of childhood sexual abuse.
You need to understand as much as you can about this so you can get to a place where you CAN be a source of strength and calm for her
IF <--------
She decides to deal with this.
This is the toughest thing you will ever endeavor to achieve in your life.
At times you will hurt so bad watching someone that you care so much about treat themselves so badly.
It is like dealing with an alcoholic or other abuser. Until they make the choice to change their life...
You can't do anything.
You have to remove yourself from the sh!tstorm that is going on inside her.
Don't try and figure out what's going on in her head because she doesn't even know.
I struggled with detaching and thought the same thoughts that doing so would create even more distance.
What you have to realize and know is it is the best thing here.
The detachment is healthy for both of you but especially for you.
You can't help her if you are both out of the boat and drowning.
There is hope as you will read in your research about this.
But it takes a while and it is totally up to them as to when.
So this is not plain vanilla walk away wife here.
It is that with nuts on top.
So... what are you prepared to do for your marriage if you have no guarantee it can be saved?
What did you mean when you said your vows?
When you said for better or worse?
Every person here has had to answer these questions and the answers are personal
And someone's timeline might not be another's.
But the process should be the same.
In the end you will have made a choice based on who you are and you will have lived that...
You will not be the victim of what some deranged idiot chose to do to your W many years ago.
You will be a survivor. And maybe...
Maybe.
Your marriage will be saved too.
So now begins the journey about YOU. What kind of man do you aspire to be?
Who are you?
I have put a bunch in here for you to digest.
Answer the questions first.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
