11th Hour of Divorce & Trial: What Else Can I Do?

[Yasu]

I was an idiot again last night. Left more VM apologizing for anger on previous VM. I'm spinning. I even had to go through a bunch of trouble to unlock the parental controls and beg the password from my girlfriend.

I suppose I have make the most wicked fool out of myself as possible. I am so ashamed. I've been under such great control for six months. What the heck has happened?

My intentions are good, and then, I mess up.

Like I've advised others, you can always start fresh the next day.

I just hate myself. I didn't beg, plead, or do stuff like that. I discussed matters regarding insurance claim, importance of re-fi, crap like that. One call at a time, as if I was really talking to someone. Then I felt satisfied, and went to bed.

This morning, I'm mortified. I was doing things like this years ago. I thought I had broken myself with the parental controls. At least I never thought to do it in a very very long time. And as this legal stuff starts stirring up, I am panicking, I suppose. I used to get worried after these episodes that I would get in trouble. Now that is what I'm worried about now. I'm scared. I can't move.