When I went back to the beginning of your posts from some years ago and read through them, I was completely relating to what you were posting, too. I said that I'm thankful that I don't have the OM pulling on me too, because I'm not sure I would be able to give him up and go back. I give you credit for being able to do that.
I do appreciate what people are offering. And it is frustrating at the same time. I hear what they are saying and I'm trying to apply it and it isn't fitting well. It feels like I'm being told to put a square peg in a round hole and I just don't understand how I'm supposed to do that.
I would say that I want to save my M, because I don't want all the ramifications of a D. That is not the same as wanting the M. Your H had a LOT of stuff in your history that I'm not sure I could have taken/forgiven either.
Yet I've read on one of your posts recently that you said you would be devastated without him now.
How do you get to that point without your H changing??? How do get there from here?
From my side of things, I can coexist, probably indefinitely, just by avoiding him as much as possible and GAL of my own. I need to know how to WANT to invest in him, to want to sacrifice for him. I know the things to do to make him happy, I just don't know how to want to do them. ("Gee, H, you want to help yourself to food off my dinner plate? Sure, here, have the whole thing. Enjoy!")
