She is coming over tomorrow to get the rest of her things with her father. should i avoid being home when she gets here? should i pack some of her things for her to make it easier for her to get out quickly? should i be here so she has to feel the guilt of taking the rest of her things?
to me it feels like the guilt is the only thing she is battling right now. and idk what will happen as soon as she stops feeling guilty.
anyways so far from working out and eating much fewer calories i have lost about 15 lbs and you can really see it in my face. so im happy about that. the working out is one of the only times i stop thinking about her.
yesterday i also had a change of heart about school. i have been going for my engineering degree because it was something i could do and achieve fairly quickly. but it was more of a sacrifice i was making for my family because it was never something i really felt i would be happy doing everyday. so If i can get into the program ill be trying to get into the Physicians Assistant program.
i also ordered the book DR from amazon and ill read it as soon as it comes
Her: i know im not doing it the right way but i just know i want a divorce.
Me: (silent but disappointed look on my face)
Her: I KNOW IM BEING HEARTLESS I JUST DONT CARE
Me: But you know you are not heartless you have never been a heartless person you never will be a heartless person its not in you to be a heartless person.
Her: (now crying about what i said) I just dont care anymore i dont want to be with you.
can someone please help me understand what to take from this
should i be here so she has to feel the guilt of taking the rest of her things?
to me it feels like the guilt is the only thing she is battling right now. and idk what will happen as soon as she stops feeling guilty.
Guilt usually doesn't work in the LBH's favor.
Taking her father along sounds, to me, as if she's using him as her support person. So, if you were to start in on her, he'd be there to shield her, so to speak.
IMHO, I think it would be best not to be there. A couple of reasons: It will tend to be very emotional for you, especially if you're watching her to see any signs of guilt or second thoughts to what she's doing. Her father will probably be playing watch dog, so that makes for a lot of extra tension between you two males. She will certainly have her guard up, which means she will appear to be angry....even if she sheds tears.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Ok ill get out of the house and let her reflect on her own as shes pulling things out. and i guess that answers my question about pre packing her stuff to make it easy on her. the reason i asked was because it would be a 180 on my part seeing that i have been trying to keep her here so the opposite of that would be packing her things for her. on the other hand packing could have a small chance in giving her second thoughts although its very unlikely.
It's hard to know what she may think while she's packing, however, if you are there, I think she will go as fast as she can in order to avoid anything from you. I think if she knew you would be gone and she had all the time she needed, she would go slower, and therefore, good memories would stand a better chance.
If you packed for her, she would go through everything to make sure it was there. Don't be surprised when you get home and see a lot more gone than you expected. And, that would be the only reason I'd even suggest staying, was if you thought she'd take more than she should. I have seen some who literally dug up the rose bushes in the yard!
A real 180 would be to text her and tell her that you'll be gone and won't be home until late. So she'll have all the time she needs. I think she would be shocked, b/c she's expecting you to put up resistance. Like I said before, there is a reason she's taking daddy with her.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
