Where to next?

[mishka422]

G, I do love him with all my heart and I think that is why this is so difficult. If it was as simple as me just being scared to go it entirely alone, I don't think this would feel so difficult. I still love him the way I always have. It was buried under anger and sadness for a long time but its all still there.

Getting a final answer from him telling me he loves me but won't ever make a commitment again was like a knife directly to my heart. I now know where he stands and I have to accept it or walk away from the man I love simply because he's not able to live me the way I want. That seems very wrong to me. How would walking away be any different than what he did? True, there is no op but giving up is giving up. I'm no quitter. I just need to change my way of thinking.

In my mind, if there is no verbal commitment there is nothing. Just because its spoken doesn't make it solid! Logically I know that but getting my heart in line with it is another subject.

Yes, this is going to mean always waiting for him to walk out the door but the other choice isn't acceptable to me.

Gees, this just doesn't get any better does it?