Ok I think I need a little help here. I need some input. I am horribly confused on some issues here.
I read the link you sent on the "death trap" for men married to Borderlines.
If my Xh were to read that info, he'd say that was his life married to me.
Every single thing my xh has accused me of, he has done exactly that. The projection he fires as me just leaves me floored.
Were you subjected to so much mass projection as well?
So Im still constantly saying to myself " Was it me, or was it him?".
Yet when I read it, that's what my life has been with him for the past 7 years on and off....especially after he began friendship with OW. And after reading on Shari's site, Im really picking up that OW is the BP/Waif. Many things add up over time. Im now getting information from reliable sources how OW and Xh's cousin had joined forces over the Holidays to really make me out to be the psycho and were beating my Xh over the head with it. My MIL caught wind of it and told XH not to listen to them and straighten up. FYI, XH cousin is one to stir the pot.....LIKE NO OTHER. Reliable sources tell me OW is the same way.
Now Im not placing all the blame on OW and cousin, but Im also remembering facts here. Xh, yes passive aggressive, but mainly a passive person has always been a very impressionable and gullable person....especially for women in distress! When friendship struck with OW, she was playing the oh poor me, Im in a horrible marriage type of song and dance with XH. She was always calling him for help with this and help with that. Then the tables turned from what I can tell, and XH was confiding in OW all his marital woes.
I am a seeker of truth, and I will claim full responsibility for the actions I take. Ok maybe this is the scariest part of being with a BP is how they learn everything about you in such detail and literally can take anything wrong you ever did, resolved, or not and bring it back up, rub it in your face and twist it so intensely you literally don't know how to walk a straight line???
I guess what Im curious about is if XH demonized me all on his own, or if his huge irrational behaviors and accusations were a big influence from OW and her demonizing me?
Hey if that's the case, XH will see the truth. It always comes out in the wash somehow.
If it truly is Xh and his own BP traits, well time will only prove that as well. Something will come up and some sort of irrational behavior will surface again.
Im trying to get a new perspective on things, not grasp any little thing to cling on to hope, or place blame on XH being negatively influenced and it brainwashing him or something. Hey he made his choices, plain and simple. The way I see it, well it could've gone either way.
However I question his actions because he seems to have changed. time will tell again, but I sense that change that we've all talked about when the MLCer comes out of the tunnel. Something is just different. That's what I've been picking up on. It's too early to tell. Only consistent proof and changes will really be the answer.
