Waiting for the tides to change - 3

[BFloat]

oo oo ee ah.. that's what my D says when she says she's a monkey. she also beats her chest when she does it. in her little high pitched 2 yr old voice. she's a character!

purg.. thanks for the prayers! i have been praying just for an open heart from the both of us for retrouvaille.

rick.. i'm moving forward i guess. i figured having my own bank acct will be good whether i am w/ H or not. and if the answer is not.. then i will have already been prepared. does that make any sense?

i think w/ retrouvaille.. i am hesitant to be hopeful as it may create expectations. yes.. many people get a lot out of it but.. there are some that don't. i think i can say i'm hopeful that this will at least open up communication so that we can come to a better understanding and move forward. there are some things i want to say (and i'm sure things he wants to say) which will hopefully come out in a safe environment. i will try to get as much out of it as i can (and relay all the sordid details). maybe it will help my M.. but if not, i will have bettered myself for my next one.

as for the preparing to be a single mom... i'm thinking, if it comes to that.. then that is what i will do. i don't think H would shirk out of his responsibilities but.. you never know. my focus is to be strong and independent. like i said to H and my IC.. i have survived a lot of sh$t in my life.. i'm going to survive this. i am stronger than people realize.

bklyn - lol. hard to think of it as 2nd honeymoon since we are so careful not to touch.. change behind closed doors.. so it's going to be very weird to be sleeping in the same room. i did ask for 2 beds. didn't want that awkwardness or to have the potential of feeling rejected. but i will look forward to the possibility that things may improve between us. so messy!

soooo.. did not end up going to movie. we missed it! that's ok. ended up having dinner.. browsing the bookstore (a luxury w/out kids) and then having coffee before heading home. hmmmm.. maybe that's why i'm wide awake right now!

thinking about GAL. i would love to learn how to fly a plane. my dad was a pilot. when i was younger, i wanted to be a fighter pilot. and when i was a little older, i wanted to pursue airplane mechanics or mech engineering. fast forward 20 yrs.. how did i end up where i did? lol!