FWIW I accidentally saw your post asking for my input, so I think there must be a better way to contact someone here. Maybe put it in the subject line??
Or they could allow for private messages...I would not have checked here otherwise b/c I post too often to go back to my old contacts, generally.
Originally Posted By: lifejustgothard2
He seems to being willing to do whatever it takes to heal our M. can you explain this ^^^ with specifics? Also I asked you a bunch of questions back in January or last month and some answers to those would help me to assess.
But then there is this side of me that feels I am letting him off to easy - he should "pay" . Deep in my heart I know my job isn't to teach him a lesson and it all has to come from his heart.
that^^^ SOUNDS like the punitive part of you talking. Then again, he walked away from all of you for MONTHS with no contacting his children
and living with OW and lying...and what was his explanation? Was there one?
So I get why you feel he has not "paid" but see, he cannot pay you enough to make up for it. He MIGHT be able to compensate over a long time...but only that would help you heal...UNLESS there's something your gut is telling you that makes you feel uneasy IS there?
So, does it take time? He seems to have owned it all.
YES it takes TIME....but you have said "seems to" twice now. Do you think he gets it or not?
But, will sometimes get a little defensive if I point a finger at him like"this is happening with the kids because of what you did to us" etc. Is that placing unfair blame? What should I expect from him? Thanks.
Do NOT point fingers about the consequences you believe are happening now b/c of his past.
There is NOTHING HE can do about it now and that's the same as throwing it in his face.
So if your kids develop drug problems 10 years from now will that be HIS fault too? When will you let him off the hook?
Don't think I am lost as to why you feel this way. OF course the kids will act out and NOT trust that he'll stay or have nightmares or get clingy with him'
but don't you think HE knows that?
How does it help the kids or the "cause" to point your finger at him?
Not putting this all on you by a long shot...but tell me more about why he "must" have contact with OW
and address the other questions I posted and I can go from there...
(also FYI I'm working more now so I don't post as often)
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
