she is really pushing to get the papers signed so i feel like im running out of time but yes i was thinking about it yesterday and i dont want to go to counseling untill i feel like i have made more of my 180. the biggest problem is finding a job right now and i know thats one of the reasons she left. but i have been looking for quite a while before she left so her being gone doesnt speed up the process but it has encouraged me to apply to more than my standard positions. but i really dont want to be jobless when we go to counseling.
i also wanted to ask. should i refuse to sign divorce papers or should i just let her go. i feel like it wont be much more time till she is putting them in front of me.
so here is my latest update and its not good.
I have since decided to stop even trying to talk to her at all its almost my LRT but i think its part of my 180. but this happend last tuesday when she came to do taxes.
so after we did our taxes i coaxed her into talking a little and im sure it just pissed her off even more but at the time i really felt i needed some answers. i know it only set me back more now but i learned my lesson from it.
during our conversation she sais somthing that broke my heart to no end
Me: (trying to get her to do counseling) do you realize you are not handling this situation in the best way?
Her: i know im not doing it the right way but i just know i want a divorce.
Me: (silent but disappointed look on my face)
Her: I KNOW IM BEING HEARTLESS I JUST DONT CARE
Me: But you know you are not heartless you have never been a heartless person you never will be a heartless person its not in you to be a heartless person.
Her: (now crying about what i said) I just dont care anymore i dont want to be with you.
but she agreed that she maybe would do some counseling if it helped get the papers signed. but all that tells me is that she wont do it with an open mind. so im just laying of the subject for now.
So far the mornings are the hardest part for me waking up alone and waking up from dreams of me and her and our normal life.
i have been hitting the gym and doing some workouts at home although my looks have never been a problem for her. im really doing it for myself but what girl can argue about their man loosing weight and looking healthier. plus it helps keep her of my mind.
based off of what i know from her facebook is that she is already adding guys as friends and talking to them. so im trying not to even look at her profile anymore although i did see that she posted this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qObnoWrEYPY&feature=share so its really her telling me to let her go.
i just wish i could be so numb to this split as her but atleast i know im growing from it. while when i look at her she still has a lesson to learn
