Specifics, please! Can't afford telephone consult!

[lifejustgothard2]

Sorry to threadjack-But 25YearsMLC I was hoping you would come over to the Piecing Thread please. I would really like your input and my thread is "now the work begins". I feel a little forgotten over there. Angel has had great input. Also hoping to hear from the VETs! Thank you!!

[mishka422]

So your S18 is home for the weekend? That must be really nice. It has to be so hard when they go away.

What else are you up to this weekend?

[ptcr]

25 - you make me laugh. Thank you. When we lived in Maine, it was so different culturally from the South. I swear I heard them talking about how to make iced tea in the back the first restaurant we visited. The cold and dark make a horrible combo. And you are correct, Officers' Wives Club saved my life there too. Had first baby alone during a 6-month deployment.

S16 got his drivers' license today! Woohoo!!! Or, be still my heart. He had to call his D to get the insurance card because he blocked me from his account for his privacy...but it all worked out and he passed his test.

This weekend miscka, I was feeling sad sitting on the porch all alone on a Friday waiting for S18 to be home (10 oclock at least) and S16 is at work and I remember what i HAVE....birds, rain, screen porch, kids home soon, comfy couch and big tv above mantle, etc, etc...because I started getting DOWN about NOT having H here to share a fun Friday night cooking dinner, waiting for the kids. His loss.....SO hard to remember. So easy to feel sorry for myself. Geez......why is it so hard to be alone and be happy? I remember envying those women in the Navy. I grew up in big, loud, happy family with lots of extra people around ALL the time. Is that it? Or am i crazy codependent????

Mishka, your FIL gone? Hope you had a good visit. Let's get coffee next week.

[ptcr]

So, S16 now has drivers license. H went to his job and filled up his truck with gas and checked fluids, etc. He knows S18 home for weekend because we had short phone conversation about who drives which car and if S16 comfortable with driving a straight.

So, S16 has a hockey game tomorrow. When H first left I said i would not go to hockey if he was home because I wouldn't want to run into him there. My question is this...do I tell him about game? Tell him I am planning on going and it is fine? Or tell him nothing and let him look up team schedule like I had to. I know what yall are going to say...he is in charge of his relationship with his children. So, he told me today "I would have taken S16 to get his license." What to say to that? He wanted space so I am just taking care of things and not initiating contact. I KNOW this is what he thinks. He said to me "I didn't think I had to ask where you were going over break" when I went to our lake house. I guess this is HIS slow and steep learning curve...and just leave it be.

Thoughts???

[Cadet]

RULE #1 - Keep mouth closed.

He is a pilot he knows how to look things up and does not need you to help him.

Yes you knew what we were going to say.

[ptcr]

Thanks cadet....the reminders here ease the pain of limbo in some weird way. It's like a hotline to therapist.

So, what to say if he asks why I didn't let him know? I think I was too defensive at lake and said "you didn't ask" to which he replied "I didn't think I had to." He said the other day, and has several times, so and so "could have asked me" and boys "could ask him" or "call him". Are these the things I am supposed to be truly listening to? Or is this more shame and blame about not being included or responsible for own relationships?

Thank you....

[ptcr]

Went and saw The Lorax today in 3D with S18. It was very cute and we laughed. Now we are planning his Spring Break. He wants to travel, so travel we will. My brother lives in Germany so we will start with a visit to him. Last time we were there the boys wanted to go to Amsterdam. So silly....legal prostitute and marijuana and all in the red light district.

Keep trying to think of how to work on self...less emotional? I don't even know what that means to H. I handle so much when he is gone 1/2 of every month. Maybe establishing a routine???

Baked today and cooked a yummy dinner. That always makes me feel like my true self. Boys can come and go, but food is here when they are ready to eat. Hardest part of tees with cars isn't it.

Church tomorrow volunteering on the host team again. Have a few plans for next week...need to fill that in a bit more. Last week was nice and busy....very good....

BTW...H never showed up to S16's hockey game. So...S16 said he didn't care, didn't want him to come anyway. I left it. I can't ease their pain. I have told them it is okay to be angry with Dad but they still needed to respect him (for gas he put in S16's truck last night - insisted he send a thank you text...told him he didn't have to call, etc). Hope this is correct.

I am absolutely obsessed with reading old posts. They are fascinating. Who would have guessed they ALL say the SAME thing. It is rather amazing.

Goodnight friends.

[ptcr]

HELP!!!! So....how do you deal with the quiet? I am fine all day, heard great sermon on forgiveness, came home, sent S18 back to college with cookies I baked, have a few plans next week and filling in those holes, and I sit here in this big empty, quiet house and feel like I could burst into tears. The uncertainty and loneliness of this limbo is excruciating. My husband has been gone 1/2 of every month for years and I wonder how this is different...I guess I need to focus on that? Any ideas? Is there some mantra to repeat about this? Didn't someone else ask that in another post? I grew up with big bustling family. I don't understand how there is so much loneliness in the world. I have talked my friends TO DEATH I think...I even avoid talking about my situation and I still feel like a burden. All I really want to do is crawl onto someone's sofa and listen to the noises of their family. We always had the kids and their friends here....we have a skateboard half pipe, the hockey goals, you name it. I always ordered pizza and had soda and freezer pops for the extra kids. This just hurts.

[mishka422]

Put on your favorite music and sing loudly, make your favorite dinner just for you, take a long hot bubble bath with candles lit. Do what makes you happy.

I'll write more in a little while. Making dinner.

[WenikiTiki]

Hey PTC!

I just got caught up on your thread.

Yes, it is amazing how much sameness there is as you read the threads. You can predict what is going to happen. (But yet always be suprised at the different crazy stuff they come up with!)

My H was a helicopter pilot and I have never understood why women think being a pilot is so hot! I had some other officer's wife tell me that I married him because he was a pilot.

I was offended. I married him when we still had 2 years of college left. We both paid our own way for college and got comissioned together the day we grwaduated from college.

I feel the way you do: I have talked my friends to death. And they want me to just divorce him and move on. If only I still ddn't love the fool!

I have a big empty house, too. My oldest comes by with his girls and wife often. She works only a mile from our house. I am always glad to see them.

Take Care,

Wendy