Yes, I was asking what the criticism from your parents was like. It was a question, thus the question marks.
No, what you described was not what I dealt with. Rather, it was the continuous message that it was good, but not good enough. A "B" could always be an "A." An "A" could always be an "A+." As a child, it was tough, but I completely get it as a parent raising an unmotivated child.
Quote:
Not everyone is, ya know?
Yes, I do know that.
Quote:
If you are so wounded by the thought of being wrong or mistaken, you'll quite naturally do everything possible to keep yourself from entertaining that view. You'll deny, rationalize, etc...
Contrary to what you suggest, you seem to be a master at convincing yourself that you are right and others are wrong. You toss up whatever argument is facile to justify your position. That seems to be your primary way of dealing with things in your exchanges here and your reported exchanges with H. What if I'm right?
Then then would explain a lot.
Quote:
What if CZ is in such pain because it hurts her so much to risk being thought of as being mistaken?
Then that would definitely be a problem for CZ. (CV?)
Quote:
Not for petty know-it-all reasons, but because it hurts you to your core as a human being?
Again, then that would be a problem.
Quote:
Can you have compassion for such a person?
Yes, I certainly can. That would have to be a very hard thing for that person.
Quote:
Can you see how sad it would be to be a child like that, to have one's lovability linked to not making mistakes? To me it is heart-wrenching.
It would be heart-wrenching to me as well to see a child go through that.
Quote:
So what? I mean, really, so what? It doesn't hurt me.
People make mistakes all the time. The degree of the problem is only as bad as the outcome. For example, a heart surgeon slipping with a scalpel resulting in the patient dying is obviously worse than a child coloring outside the lines. Both people are still lovable.
Quote:
Do you feel rage or deep shame when you are mistaken or do something wrong (and I don't mean morally wrong)?
No. I get frustrated with myself, I'm disappointed. I do not ever experience what you call rage (certainly not with mistakes.) I watched my father punch a wall or kick something across the room whenever something didn't go his way. I thought at the time it was ridiculous and still do. My response is to just deal and fix it. I make mistakes all the time, but I can't begin to list one for you.
Regarding morally wrong, then yes I do feel it deeply, and carry it for a long time. I still don't feel rage, just regret and disappointment. I do have a very high moral standard, for myself and others that care to engage with me.
