11th Hour of Divorce & Trial: What Else Can I Do?

[25yearsmlc]

Yas, Bond...

I would Not say that all patients MUST learn to live without their meds. Even if "external" factors are playing a role, or "triggering" things, that does NOT mean there are no biochemical underlying issues...her doctor said, I think, that she is predisposed to this.

Seems Her h mistreated her, but that is not the "cause" of her illness, it's an aggravating factor. Same for her job...if stress "caused" mental illness we'd all be in a padded cell.

Life throws us all a curve ball now & then, like a parent's death, or divorce, and if one already had a chemical imbalance, they may well need meds a long time.

My main point here is, In alignment with DB 101 of "doing what works and Not doing what does not work", I say if meds help you, use them.

Yas You are sort of all over the place on this site. Seems you swing from one end of the spectrum to the other. Settle down and listen to the therapist and physicians you have. Are you a patient who does as the doctor plans?

You asked us what "TO DO". We cannot tell you to divorce him OR "stay married at all costs".

But I do suggest you Stop waiting for this man OR expecting anything from him in the future.

ATM I think you will read that and nod in agreement. But I fear your next post will talk about how he'll have to "buy you back" and that you are "not cheap"...what's that about?

Are you really planning your life around the possible reunion, post divorce? Didn't you just say that would be too late for you?

Anyhow...for us to support YOU, we need to know more about you and less about him and less about what happened 4 years ago or 6 years ago. This is about now and "from this day forward", and what you want/need in your life to be happy.

You must lose the scorecard, and that's not just a suggestion for salvaging some type of relationship with your h.

It's to have you let go of the past, and all the pain you are carrying around b/c if you do not do that, you cannot be happy. No one carrying around their baggage and anger and a painful past, can be happy.

How about we see a post about YOU and your GAL activities? Oh, running away is not a GAL activity. A vacation would be GAL, or joining something where you meet new people, or an activity you have never done before...also one in which you meet new people.

For now, maybe your goal can be to just get out of the house on a regular basis.

Please, do not keep making your life revolve around your h...or your pending divorce or your fears.

I've testified in my brother's divorce and seen many divorces, (I am a L) and though all divorces sukk, they are not fatal. Remember that. And real trials are RARE...

Try not to let your fear of the trial paralyze you. Almost NO divorces go to trial and when they do, about 1% go in front of juries.

Fear has influenced the bulk of your decisions and a lot of your actions, to your detriment.

The constant focus on your h and how he has mistreated you does not help you

UNLESS

it helps you to detach from him and see him objectively...which I cannot tell.
But I know that Fear based choices do not lead to joy or balance in your life.

Do you believe, deep down, that you deserve happiness?

Never mind, I found your response about the meds.

IMHO your doctors are right. It seems that your condition (anxiety, stress, paranoia) is a result of outside stimuli and not anything biological.


Bond, not to quibble but that's not how I read it. FWIW.

Your posts are very erratic and so I'm really concerned about that. I know it's difficult to wean yourself off of the meds, but I firmly believe that unless you get a handle on how to deal with stress in general, you will be dependent on meds for the rest of your life.


IMO, now is no time to wean off the meds unless your doctors say to. And what work are you
doing to get the tools you need to cope with stress better? IF you are not, then don't stop the meds. Plus you alluded to the fact that you have done things whle manic, that you regret. You don't say what, but I trust you are accurate.

In short, I feel as if your inability to handle stress consistently, is working against you and NOT helping your cause.

The calls to your h are NOT helping your cause. DB 101 says "do NOT do what does NOT work" and those calls and VMs do not help you.


You should and CAN live without that.


Bond my friend, you know I almost always agree with you buddy. But why not leave this issue of meds to her doctors?

YES- Yas you do talk about the meds a lot, and act as if you have little control over yourself with OR without them...but that's a cop out.
Even with your diagnosis, you are still responsible for your actions and your efforts at getting better.

My hope is that you'll comply with the physician's directions and contact them ASAP if there are side effects or ineffectiveness in your meds. That is solely YOUR responsibility. Do you get that?

The doctors are not mind readers and cannot tell what you are feeling at home. Sounds as if they have made great effort to provide you with free meds via the samples. Do you trust your doctor or not?


Maybe you need to just totally change your life and do something that doesn't require so much stress. Living simpler doesn't mean you're sacrificing anything. A quiet lifestyle may suit you well after all this.

Agreed ^^^....Some people function better w/stress but for you, a less stressful life is a great suggestion.

What changes in your life are you willing to make?


Do you see the value of letting go of your h, fully?

Even if you really want to reconcile with him, (which you seem to) THEN letting him go is probably the best course of action to take- b/c nothing else has worked.

You must not keep pursuing him b/c that backfires. Detach...please.

If you are meant to be together, then detach and let him discover that

and if you are NOT, then moving on that much faster gets you to happiness that much faster.

make sense?

As far as your soon to be ex h following you or surveilling you or having his friends do it, I guess my question would be, so what?

If he's trying to send you over the edge, don't let it. It would not bother me unless I was inside and half naked and they were acting like papparazzi.

Why spend so much energy on wondering "WHY???" he is doing/thinking/planning or feeling anything?

He is not relevant to your life now. You are responsible for your happiness AND your life.

You always were, and are the only person who is in charge of your life. SO

Let's hear more about YOU and less, or nothing, about HIM...