There's a lot being said here, and I'm definitely reading (and rereading all of it) and trying to respond quickly to everything. Please let me know if I've overlooked something. Some things I'm just getting to slower.
Quote:
SBT in how you would like it to be say, stay in the present, work towards the future. We say here, beginner's mind because you have to act in a way that there IS NO HISTORY with you and your H.
I believe I can live in the present, but I don't think it's possible to live as if there is no history.
For example, I can accept the fact that I currently have a job I'm dissatisfied with, and make plans to get a better job. But I can't just enter the job market without a resume, whether I like what my resume says or not. It is what it is. I can go to school, get additional training, etc., but that only changes my resume going forward, not the past.
In the case of my R with my H, I can plan to go forward, but I don't know how to live as if there is no history. For example, I KNOW that he has strong feelings for his college sweetheart. The fact that I found a series of email exchanges, we had a confrontation, etc., can be put in the past. What CAN'T be is his current feelings.
How does one live as if THERE IS NO HISTORY when they currently have an STD from their H's affair? (hypothetically speaking)
