A good few days -- the distancing is working, OR I'm just in an upswing. I've way toned down my enthusiasm and ceased virtually all pursuing behaviors, but I'm not going cold.

For instance, I haven't been reaching out to W at all during the day, but if she reaches out to me I'm happy and cheerful. Wednesday night I felt I was going a little too distant, so I gave W a call while I was driving home from work but kept it quick and topical. (drip feed, drip feed)

W is confused and uncomfortable, but I'm not showing any cracks in my demeanor. I'm giving the "I'm happy by myself, if you want to participate great, and if you don't I don't care!"

Last night W made a point of coming to bed early. She started going into the "what's wrong what's wrong" routine. I told her nothing, I've had a great week, talked about all the things that I'm doing that are good, no R talk. She said that I've been acting very distant. I asked her if she's felt expectations or pressure and she said no, so I asked her what the issue is? I'm happy, go with it. She then asked if I wanted to ML and apologized that it had been since last Friday. I said "sure" but didn't put too much into it, and it was pretty good, good turnaround from last time.

A couple disclaimers, I'm on a "low drive" cycle (my sex drive cycles up and down), and my W's mood has been pretty good the last few days. The test on maintaining my distancing will be when I go "high drive" and/or if W's mood deteriorates. If those two coincide it's maximum struggle and pain for me and will be hard to maintain the veneer of "happy".

I'm far from claiming any kind of victory, but I can say that the pursuer distancer chapters of "The Solo Partner" definitely have merit in my sitch and it will just be a function of my discipline how well I can apply them.

Accuray

Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015