If you like Pina Coladas....

[25yearsmlc]

Purg...

((( )))

wow, what a week you had!

I just want to agree with your approach to the supposedly "new news" b/c I think if your h and OW (whether it's bff or someone else)

were having an affair 3 YEARS ago, why go through all the charades of MC?

And why have another child? Doesn't make sense. And if it is BFF why wouldn't her h know then, and not til now?

And he'd have certainly made it an issue. And last but not least, I feel like punching the idiot neighbor who passed the crap along even if it is true;. Anything that happened 3 years ago...you need to mention NOW? really?

so your approach is a healthy one if you think you could get past it, if it were true.

Also, you would not be a "fool" to have trusted him then. He'd simply be a liar. You'd have been a trusting wife. There's no "duping" in the past.

Your changes are being noticed but he's also digging in himself to see how much damage has been done b/c he's maybe wondering if HE could get past the past...his sharing his pain with you was a good thing. He didn't sound angry so much as sad. Let's face it, this is tragic no matter who we are angry at today or who we want to blame. A tragic failure to communicate and act on the awareness of how much damage was being done.

Anyhow, I do feel his statement about Afghanistan and seeing what happens, was realistically, the best most positive thing he could have said. Well done but now that you've said your piece, enough.

Also I didn't see the comment about forgiving til I read it a third time and that matters a little b/c it means you said so much that your main message might have been lost....keep it shorter in the future. Generally I don't think more than 6 lines can be well conveyed and recalled later...

the focus tends to be on the one negative comment if there was one. If you told him 10 positives and one negative, a month from now he'll recall mostly the negative and maybe one or two of the positives and they won't outweigh the negative (remember-as my professor said, "it takes 5 compliments to undo the hurt and focus of ONE negative criticism"--that is from my grad psych class. Then again, that professor also said "plants feel & EXPRESS pain every day" so what does she know?--which explains the screaming I heard last night when I made the salad and cut the carrots...oh the humanity )

Not sure about the GD guilt thing...could be a conscience--remorse, which I think is healthy...and who cares? Seriously...that is SO NOT your problem.

But 2's point (or Machs??) was more relevant. IOW, what are YOU conveying somehow

even now, that makes your h see you not considering other's feelings?

Part of me would have laughed in his face and said "you're kldding right? Good one!"

But it's healthier and stronger to look in the mirror to CHECK yourself.

Your h may be way out of line and projecting, which I was tempted to assume...or not.

What to you "know"? We know that

Taking the high road will never be something you regret. And your kids will appreciate it, even if they don't know about it.

Being angry is what you said you were for 5 of the 9 year marriage.

Showing your h more of that old Purg, won't help the cause.

Stay on course.

((( )))